The Writings on My Wall

2005-05-02T15:49:00.000+08:00

--I feel lazy--

Oh man... It's weird. I've been feeling this immense sensation of lethargy for the past few days. Well... Maybe not a form of 'sensation'... It's some other word that I can't really think of right now. Yea. Anyway, you wouldn't believe how lazy I've been for the past few days. Eat then sleep, sleep then TV, then eat again, then sleep. I feel so piggish. You know, lazy and fat and like my whole life revolves around food and sleep. Bah...

I'm actually quite surprised that I'm blogging again. Firstly, lazy me finally decided to update me blog. Secondly, I thought I got bored of blogging. Well... I am bored of it, but... Sigh... Need to find something else to do or I'll have to do homework. (I'm terrible huh?) However, am not as hopeless as I make myself out to be. I actually feel rather guilty bout not studying.(cheers!!) A's this year liao. Must start working hard...

Alrite, mundane issues aside. Me mom bought a laptop and a desktop yesterday at the Acer road show. Laptop for the company and desktop for home usage. Am currently typing away on the laptop. Desktop won't come till Friday. Yea... Quite exciting. Has been quite awhile since I last used the internet. And it feels good too. =P

Brought up the issue of buying an MP3 to my mom. More specifically, an I-pod mini. Somehow she took it quite calmly. No screaming, no shouting, no glares, just a relaxed reply of "what is that?" Haha. Well, she asked around and she managed to get a real good bargain. $297 for a 4Gig I-pod mini. Cheap ah? Haha. Well, me mom has her contacts. Problem is, it only comes in 4 colours. Blue, green, pink and silver. Thought of getting silver, but it's a tat bit too common. Pink? Hmm... possible. But too gay la. Haha.... Blue's a possible choice.... maybe silver... Ack... Dunno la, I'll decide when I've saved enough. 297 bucks... Need to save up soon...

Alritey, to all those who have yet to buy tickets for my production Mother Courage and wish to get tix, Too Bad. Cause all tickets have been sold out. Haha! Even if you all want also no more liao. HA! And to think we were worried bout the sale of tickets...

Mother Courage and her Children... 2 more weeks to go...

2005-04-25T17:07:00.000+08:00

I feel shitty--

Just had my econs test. I'm almost 100% sure that I've failed it. Usually I wouldn't really give a damn bout how I do in tests and such. But the thing is, I studied so hard for it. Me not feeling confident and happy after the test is enough a reason to drive me nuts. Ae, i actually sat down and mugged econs for 6 hours straight k. It sucks man. Had a case study on Inflation. It's weird cause I expected them to test on inflation, I studied on inflation, but somehow couldn't pen down anything. Grrr.... It's so frustrating. To think I wanted to aim for a 'C' grade this term for econs. Pretty sure I'll get an 'F' instead. It's really buggin me man... I jus can't believe that I couldn't find anything to write on...

I need a break...

Rehearsals going on fine. I think. Gonna officially announce the sale of tickets to the school. But yea... I'm praying that tickets sell good. Well... hopefully it'll at least give me a reason to be happy this term.

2005-04-19T08:55:00.000+08:00

--I feel... I'm not sure... Confused I guess--

Been awhile since I last blogged. My ulcers have healed, which is a very good thing. Finally am able to eat whatever I feel like eating without pain. Anyway, me dog went for sterilisation yeserday. =( Imagine how heart broken I was when I saw her later in the day. She so poor thing know. Just lie there with her tongue sticking out. So lifeless and so tired. Hai... Seeing her in this state makes my heart bleed. Hmmm... Maybe I should take a photo of her today, just for memory's sake. =P

Good news. my CCA won the best CCA idea. Am collecting prize on behalf of all the guys this coming Friday. I submitted a proposal based on the interhouse drama competition. Heard that it was the best CCA idea. *Beams* I got the call after my Maths and GP common tests though...

Speaking of which, think am gonna fail really badly for both CTs. Sigh... Why is it so difficult to pass for CTs? Ah well... Will work harder for the coming mid year scripts.

TO ALL THOSE WHO ARE INTERESTED IN ATTENDING MY PLAY(not that you guys have much of a choice), PLEASE CONFIRM WITH ME THE NUMBER OF TICKETS THAT YOU NEED.
Play: Mother Courage and Her Children
Date: 13th and 14th May 2005
Venue: Arts House, The Play Den
Cost: $20 per ticket(only)
The play is proudly presented to you by StAJeWorks.

=D

2005-04-12T18:24:00.000+08:00

--I feel pain--

Imagine. 6 ulcers in one mouth.

Imagine.

2005-04-04T23:25:00.000+08:00

--I feel drowsy and guilty--

Ugh... I collapsed on my bed immediately after having dinner. So so tired. Spent the entire afternoon painting my props and scrubbing the floor. Not exactly my definition of fun if you ask me. But hell yea, it was tiring. Ahh well... Wasn't suppose to go down today. But the girls needed more guys down and since I was available... (I dun really have much of a choice as you can see)

Oh yea, Kel and I came up with the new concept of my poo. It was initially "pull factor", but when Shama said that to us, somehow it sounded like "poo factor". Hehe... And so... It's now "poo", which is kinda handy. You know, like some secret code message... Sometimes I really feel sorry for poo and those around poo. Ahh well... We as humans will learn someday right? So it ain't that bad, I think.

Lastly, I'm still kinda pissed I got insulted by a J1. Grrr...

2005-04-03T23:37:00.000+08:00

--I feel awake--

Weird huh? To think I feel wide awake at this hour. Pretty odd if you ask me. Didn't have coffee, tea or caffeine for the entire day. Yet I don't feel the least bit sleepy. Something's wrong. Prolly because something is bugging me. Can't get it off my mind. Yep... Think that's it. Ok, new theory: The best caffeine one ever needs is to have something that's really bugging one on one's mind.

Anyway, today was baking day. Haha. Mom bought an oven(finally) on Friday. So yea, we were testing it out. You see, I happened to dig up an old blueberry chocolate cake receipe from somewhere in my cabinet a few days ago. After glancing through the ingredients needed, we felt that the baking of that cake was do-able. Heh... And so, we baked my first ever cake. But... It didn't look one bit like the picture in the magazine. The one in the magazine was spongy golden brown, mine was black. =S Maybe cause I over baked it or something. Haha... But it does taste great. You know, one should never be fooled by outlooks. Although my cake looked ugly as hell, it tasted superb. Hehe... Well, think I'm gonna attempt to bake it again... sometime soon... After I finish my current burnt one(which, for your information, tastes very good). And yes, I shall be known as the dessert specialist in my family. =P

Finally met up with my J1s on Friday. Can't really comment on them, or rather, I don't really wanna comment on them. Think I shouldn't say anything cause I don't even know their names. But seriously, from a pres' point of view, it's really sad to see only like 3 to 4 first 3 months people returning. I expected at least 7. I lost alot of my beloved first 3 month-ers... Sigh... Ahh well... It's ok. I'll learn to love my new batch of J1s... Another thing to add, about half of my new J1s are non-chinese. No... I'm not being racist here. I'm just saying that there's a very high possibility of me losing half of my current intake to MLDDS and TLDDS. And yea, that sucks shit.

[...]

I think it's over for me. Yea... After yesterday's phone call, it's over. No more. All over... You know what, I've just decided. I'm going to remain unattached and single at least till the end of this year. After this incident, I think I'm more than ready to revert back to my being-single-rocks self. I mean, I've survived more than 16 years of bachelorhood, so what's another right? Yea... I like being single... Priase and adore single-hood.

[...]

2005-03-29T22:50:00.000+08:00

--I'm damn tired now--

Heh... Just got home from rehearsal. Damn tiring. Today was our photo shoot session. We went to some eerie, old, underground basement place to shoot our covers for Mother Courage. Wah... Tell you ah... The first time I entered the room, I felt like vomitting. The musky smell of the place was overpowering. Ah well, but I got used to it after awhile. Actually, I never knew that room existed in AJ. Hmmm.... I've always wondered where does the passage next to LT 5 lead to... Now I know... From what I heard, it's haunted... Miss Wong's my proof...*shivers* Thankfully, everything went smoothly. The shots we took were simply astounding. Yep... It was a good photo shoot.

Ohya, I withdrew from the minister visit thing. Yep, am no longer part of the 12 selected stduents... =( Well, I withdrew cause today's rehearsal clashed with the briefing session. Both started at 5. Miss Wong excused me from the briefing, but later found out that I would have to withdraw if I didn't attend it. And so, I'm out of the minister visiting AJ thing. But I'm alright. It's all good. I don't feel angry or unhappy or sad. I would gladly give up almost anything if it clashed with rehearsals. To me, rehearsals are much much more important (Aren't ya'll proud of me?). Didn't think that it would be responsible of me to just absent myself from rehearsal and keep everyone waiting. Haha... Well... Let's just hope tomorrow, when the minister visits, the school's power supply doesn't breakdown again.

I seriously think that AJ's broke. Don't even have enough money to pay utility bills... Haha...

2005-03-27T20:10:00.000+08:00

--I'm stressed up--

Don't you just hate it when you've got so many things to do in such a short time period? Currently, CCA matters are really choking me. So many things to handle. CCA board, CCA carnival performance, costumes, schedules, CCA games...ARGH!!!! Complete madness. Oh ya, and on top of that, school work. This blardy sucks man. Okok, this will be a short post. No time to spare.

Watch me go bonkers.

2005-03-26T23:21:00.000+08:00

--My mood's good today--

Hehe... No, I'm not mentally retarded. I'm just seriously, feeling rather... happy today. That's all.

Went lunching with Li today. Had Ajisen. Food was good, someone plesant to the eye was sitting in front of me, great conversation topics. What more can I ask for? Heh... Yep, we talked quite abit over lunch. For example, our families, our childhood, etc. We then went window shopping around J8. Yes, window shopping, cause neither of us brought enough cash. Haha. Realised today how tiny Junction 8 is. Let's see... I met... hmm... around 15 AJC-ians, I also met Kenneth and Ching Lee. Singapore is so blardy small lah. Gets quite sickening after awhile of shopping in J8. Reason: There's nothing to see there.

Just came back from shopping with me Mom. World of Sports has 50% discount storewide for today and tomorrow. We went in the night, prolly about 9? Ya, the place was damn crowded. People pushing, squeezing, shouting, etc. It was quite a turn off actually. But then again, I really really needed a new pair of shoes. So, what the heck, decided to go Typical Singaporean. I joined the queue. =) It was quite fruitful, although most of the stuff in the shop have already depleted. I got myself 2 pairs of shoes, 1 Nike and 1 NewBalance. Got myself 1 pair of short shorts, 1 singlet and 1 pair of slippers. The best part is, I'm most prolly gonna go back tomorrow again. =D This time round, early in the morning. Need to go when stocks have replenished. Maybe I can psycho my Mom to get me more stuff... Muahahahahha. Hmm... Maybe another pair of shoes... Maybe another pair of shorts.... Maybe another singlet... Hmmm... We shall see... Never knew I loved shopping this much. =P

Ohya, lastly, vectors suck. Anyone who scores for that topic deserves to be gagged and then dumped into the Singapore River.

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2005-03-24T10:10:00.000+08:00

--My mood's neutral today--

Heh... Celebrated mom's birthday yesterday. Bought her the Sweet Secret's Chocolate Royale cake. It's really good. Am having a slice of it as I'm typing this entry... Hmmm... I think I know a remedy for depression. Have alot of chocolates. I dunno about you,but it certainly works wonders for me. Just when I thought that my day's screwed, a bar of snickers was somehow able to make me hyper throughout the day.

I think I'm getting grouchier (grouchy-er/more grouchy) as I grow older. I just don't seem as friendly anymore. It's quite sad actually, seeing 'friends' of yours walk by without acknowledging you. And when you do try to get their attention, like shouting out their name, something's holding you back. Sigh... Ya... And I end up feeling shit after that. Funny thing is, I do make an effort to tell myself every morning before school, that I'm not allowed to ignore any of my friends, past or present. Bah...

Received a message from Miss Siau a few days ago. Had to meet her today at the conference room(Dum-dum-dum-Duuummmmmmm), after contact time. In her message, she did say that it was with regards to the minister's visit to AJ on Wed, next week. But, it's the conference room(Dum-dum-dum-Duuummmmmmm)! Bad bad bad memories there. Just can't help but feel worried... =S

Anyway, when I got there, I saw 11 other students. It turns out that the 12 students (ahem... including me of course) were selected to represent the student body of AJC. Only 12 students(including me) know. Miss Siau said that the 12(yes, yes, yes, including me) were either picked by her or were recommended by the teachers. Hmmm... I wondered if it was Miss Siau who picked me or Miss Wong that recommended me... Hmmm...

Soon, the two VPs entered. They gave us a "DO NOT DO THIS" briefing. I noticed that throughout the entire time, Mrs Tay was staring at me the entire time. Heh... Bet she must be thinking "What?! I know that boy! And that guy's actually a CCA head?! And he's being selected to represent AJ?!" Hehe... It was awkward, but who cares. It's a thing of the past anyway.

Alrite people, please watch the news on Wednesday next week. You might catch a glimpse of me. Who knows, I may even get interviewed. =P Ya, and I'll try not to make funny faces in front of the camera. I'll try. No promises though... Hmmm... Haha... And hopefully I won't make AJ look bad in front of the minister. Hopefully. No promises though. =P

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2005-03-23T22:05:00.000+08:00

I feel ugly... =(

2005-03-22T17:54:00.000+08:00

Bleah...

I feel tired and sleepy. Stoned through most of the day. Realised that stoning can be quite enjoyable unless someone interrupts you in the process of doing so. I also felt stressed after seeing the list of CCA Heads A level results pinned up at the board next to the canteen. The need for me to perform (academically) is driving me crazy.

I feel moody. I feel unwanted. I feel fat. I feel ugly.

[...]

I feel so human.

[...]

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2005-03-21T20:35:00.000+08:00

Man oh man! When was the last time I blogged? Let's see... Hmmm... 4 months ago? Haha... Ok, look, I've got my excuses (as usual). But not just plain excuses, but good and valid excuses. Know what, I'll list them down:
1) Com went nuts during the December holidays. I tried to fix it. Then I accepted the fact that I can never be an IT expert.
2) Was lazy.
3) Was lazy.
4) Was lazy.
5) I did think of blogging again sometime in Feb. But didn't because there were just too much things to write about. Just thinking about it made me dizzy. In other words, was lazy.
6) No wait, I don't need a 6th reason, I think the 1st reason is more than enough to explain why I couldn't, or rather didn't blog. =D

Anyway, as you can see from the above, I'm still as lame as before, which is a good thing. =P This friggin screwed-up world certainly needs more people who are lame (lame as in just plain lame and not physically handicapped kind of lame). I am well versed in the art of being lame but not overly lame. And to those who are shaking their heads right now or just mumbled "as if"s, you ought to be shot. Being lame is not a crime k. Right, Shama? Heh... Just getting a tat bit personal.

Hmmm... So far... My life has been... like a sinusoidal wave pattern (typical science student here). I had my fair share of super high moments in the first term and some friggin low ones as well. And by low, I mean really really really low. Yes, that low. Dun really think I wanna blog about it. I mean, it just brings unhappy memories anyway. No point. As I was saying, my life's been rather... well... normal actually. Yep, sinusoidal, but that's normal.

New theory of mine: If you've had great and spectacular days all week long, there's seriously something very very wrong with you. It's either you're deceiving yourself or you're mentally retarded. I mean, come on! Who can possibly have happily ever afters in a world that has funny little beings called humans running around all over the place? Sigh... Well... They did say that the real world is a harsh and unfair place. Kudos to the person who first said that line.

Alright, what's installed for me this week. Hmmm... Preparation for CCA Carnival. Need to come up with something for it. Flyers? Billboards? Posters? Banners? Hmmm... I'll think about it... Am looking forward to Wednesday. We gonna play games finally. After 4 terms of intensive PT, think I more than deserve this. Apart from that, there's rehearsal. Can't help feeling more excited as the performance date draws nearer. Having seen what the choir did during their public performance, Voyage,which was, by the way, very well done, the pressure's on for StAJeWorks to do even better for ours. Although it is no doubt super stressful, the end product always leave me feeling damn song.

It dawned on me today morning when I was having my shower that the 2nd term is my very last term as pres. *sob* Sad right? Hai... Good things must come to an end. Eugene must sooner or later step down as pres. Hmm... Maybe if I retain, I'll get to hold on to the title for another year... Yep, the hunt is on. I'm gonna go poaching, mee neeeds goods pressie candidates.

As usual, love ya'll lots. Esp my dear J1s. Whether or not you guys are staying in AJ, I'm glad to have known you. You guys rock serious shit. Whatever that means.

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-12-19T21:27:00.000+08:00

Hehe... Finally managed to get myself to sit down and type an entry. Been a long time. Not cause I was busy, but because I'm lazy. Haha...

Holidays... Quite slack actually. Didn't really do much holiday assignments. Yep... Think I'll really get it from Ms Daljit when school reopens... ugh... Also, I heard from Shama that Mr Choy ain't following my class up next year. *Cheers* Can't tell you how glad I was when I heard it. Hopefully I'll finally get myself a competent PD tutor this time round.

Went out with Shama, Jessie and Serena today. Spent the entire day walking around Orchard and shopping for presents. I got myself Christmas presents already. Heh... Can go gift exchanging. Anyway, found out that Jessie's face can go red very easily. I mean, it can even go red by prodding her sides. We were walking down the stretch of road linking PS to the Istana when Serena received a message from Miss Wong. Well... It was bad news. See, I've got this drama club senior, Kok Wai, who withdrew from school after he finshed JC1. Reason, he was down with blood cancer, or rather leukemia. He passed away this morning. It was very sudden. I mean, I've heard loads abot him from Victor, about what he is like and stuff. And for it to suddenly occur like that... is just so unexpected. Hell, I thought he was already recovering.

Victor is really upset right now. I could tell from the sms-es he sent Jessie. So poor thing ya... Although I've never met Kok Wai, I feel quite sad also. I mean... Hai... Life's just so unpredictable...

My grandpa is going for surgery this Wednesday. Because he's down with prostate cancer. I'm really worried about him. Even more so after hearing about Kok Wai. I'm not so sure about the success/failure rate of the surgery. But I guess the chances of success aren't exactly very high. It'll be on Wednesday... 22nd December... 3 days before Christmas... But I'm quite sure he'll be alright. I know he'll be able to pull through. He's a strong man. = )

I'll be praying for you grandpa. You'll be fine.

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-12-07T01:04:00.000+08:00

Hai... Was just thinking... Realised that I've got a relaly busy year ahead of me. Well, not jus the big As, per se, but also the upcoming major production, mother courage, inter-house drama competition and the orientations. Busy busy year ahead. And ya, let's not forget about the holiday homework that I've got... Hai... So much to do... So little time...

Haha... Lately, I've been thinking of ways to publicise mother courage. Some are considered rather subtle... But others abit outrageous. Hehe... For subtle ones, I came up with some very common ways to publicise. Like the usual, announcements over PA system, announcements during morning assemby, etc. Or the common paper stuff like billboards, flyers, little scrap pieces of paper that no one really bothers to read. Yea... But I felt that should like have some sense of professionalism. Thought of printing those kind of small catalogues that people get before going for the play. You know, those kind that have the synopsis, cast/crew members, etc. Yeps, those kind. But it's sure gonna be extremely expensive. Hmm... Sponsors? Maybe.

As for the outrageous kind, I was thinking. Maybe we can get Georgia to drag her wagon during assembly or during breaks, while in her character. This outta get some attention eh? Hmmm... Was also thinking of putting up strange pictures that somehow or another is related to Mother Courage, which will get the people's attention. Then as rehearsals intensifiy and when the performance dates are nearing, we can swop the vague pictures for more concrete publicity. Like you know, do a soft publicising stint first. Might not work... I dunno. Oh ya, then there's also the suggestion of getting some of us to dress up as people from that era. And like run around AJ, shouting and screaming for mother courage. Eg, running around, notifying all AJC-ians that the war is coming, seek shelter, etc. Kinda dumb, but hey, it'll be interesting eh.

Oh well... Guess I'll have to sleep on it. Need to think through it again. Nothing's confirmed though.

Busy busy year, busy busy holidays, busy busy life. For now.

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-11-26T18:59:00.000+08:00

Hey hey. Today is my birthday! But quite sad lah, so few people wished me happy birthday lor... If you're reading this and have not wished me happy birthday, you had better do something about it. Sms me or something. This type of thing no need to teach one.

Anyway, today I'm much better liao. I think yesterday I was like on the brink of an emotional breakdown. Just very tired lah. Hmmm... But I'm fine now. No worries. Yea... Thanks Kel for picking up my call at 12+ and chatting with me all the way till 2am. I really appreciate it.

Ok, today, I went back to Cat High. For what? The EL Drama there lah. Wah piang, nearly died when I saw my the kind of juniors that I have... All so uninitiative and childish. Can die. Vincent and I ended up doing almost everything for them. Unfair know. I was suppose to go help out, not do everything. Hai... Hope MeNeo and Tham will scold them badly. Think they deserve it. Yep, met Nora. Still haven't read their script. But from the looks of it, I wouldn't say that it's a very good one. Not impressive. Acting-wise, also no hope lah. See the way they move and the kind of energy that they have... Hai... Nvm, doing it for CIP hours. 42 hours leh. Must tahan. I need the 42 hours...

Other than that, Happy Birthday to me.

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-11-25T23:50:00.000+08:00

I"m disturbed... Very very fucking disturbed...

Had a conversation with Mom just now. We were talking about my Dad and his friend from Papau New Guinea, who is currently in Singapore. Mom said that she has to entertain him and bring my dad's friend out for lunch tomorrow. From wht my mom told me, I could tell that my dad's friend is someone who is.. well... greedy and money hungry. He asks money from my mom almost each time he sees her. Hai... I had to persuade mom to be wary of that guy. He may just be taking advantage of my Mom's hospitality...

Anyway, this is not it that's disturbing me. Mom also shared with me a secret about my Dad's other friend, William, who's Singapore-based, and has been living in Papau New Guinea for the past few years. Apparently William, who is happily married with kids in Singapore, has started another family in Papau New Guinea. Yes, another fucking family. And guess what, his kids over there are already about 6 years of age. ARGH!!!!!!!! Imagine how my Mom felt when she knew about this. Firstly, she feels very bad for Williams' wife and kids in Singapore... Poor poor thing... Secondly, she is guessing that Dad has already started a family there as well. And guess what, I feel the same way too. Currently, in my mind, I am suspecting that my Dad is having an affair in PNG. I seriously fuckingly feel that my dad is starting a fucking family elsewhere in a fucking foreign country with some fucking woman. Who knows, I may just have more siblings yea? Bloody FUCK man!!!!

I know it's wrong for me to feel this way and is wrong for me to doubt my Dad's integrity and loyalty. But then, I just can't help it. I have sat down and have looked at this possible scenario in all aspects.... No, I cannot see anything positive, good or even neutral about it. My mom told me her suspicion of Dad's integrity through laughters and smiles. But I can see it in her eyes, that she's worried and that she too feels that Dad has already cheated on her.

FUCK LAH!!! I quote from Mom, "Hmmm... Maybe one day, the chieftan of the village may just come up to me and introduce himself to me as my brother-in-law..." ARGH!!!!!!! I hate this! If Dad really did start a family in PNG and is having kids with some other fucking woman, I fucking swear to God that I will never fucking ever fucking forgive him. I swear to God that I'll fucking hate him for the rest of my life.

My Mom doesn't fucking deserve this.My brother and sister (NOTE: Singular nouns) do not fucking deserve this. I do not fucking deserve this. He doesn't have the fucking right to do this to us.

Seriously, I swear to god that I'll hate him for the rest of my life if he cheats on mom.

Wow... Happy Birthday Eugene...

2004-11-24T23:25:00.000+08:00

Crappy day.

Woke up at 8.30 this morning and I felt damn crappy. Must have been due to lack of sleep. No idea why, but i just couldn't go to bed last night. I kept thinking about StAJeWorks' upcoming year plans. Like, how we're gonna organise the inter house competitions, how we're gonna publicise mother courage, what scripts I should pick for my house, etc. My mind kept working. It just refused to switch off. Yea... Went to bed at 12.30, fell asleep at about 3. The splittnig headache wasn't helping much either.

Next came my bro's results. Man... It wasn't good. Mom was very disappointed. He got a score of 215. At first I thought that 215 ain't that bad a score, but after browsing through the secondary schools catalogue, hai... 215 can hardly get my bro anywhere decent. Mom's currently considering Holy Innocent and Kuo Chuan Presby. I'm trying to push for St Gabs... Heh... Oh well... What done is done... No point worrying.

Alrighty then, I shall get some good rest tonight... Mom promised to bring me out for makan tomorrow. At the meantime... I need to find ways to motivate myself to study

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-11-23T23:10:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... As usual... Today was pretty unproductive. I only managed to finish 5 MCQs. Pathetic ya? Ok, veyr very unproductive... But hey! Am gonna go to school tmr. Going there to do some mugging. Need to be away from all the distractions for awhile. Concentration is the key here... Have to finish Econs....

My bro will be receiving his PSLE results tomorrow. Pretty worried for him. Dunno how he'll do... I never knew him as someone who is academically inclined. So, worried lah. Cannot help myself. *Fingers crossed* Hehe... Was just saying to myself that he'd better get a decent grade, good enough to at least get back into Catholic High. Haha... I laughed to myself at that thought. Hmmm... I knew all along that my impression of Catholic High was bad, but not exactly that bad. Haha... The only nice memories I have of that school are most prolly that of the ELDDS (before MeNeo took over) and my friends. Other than that, zip, nothing, empty, mei you, kosong. All the teachers that I thought were nice have all moved on to another school or have already retired. That's why quite sad lah... Going back to Cat High during New Year's and Teacher's Day have become meaningless. Hai... Sad sad end to my 10 years in Cat High...

Ok, on a brighter note, I had a really ncie chat with Lili today. Hmmm... Maybe I'll ask her out one of these days... Heh... We'll see...

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-11-21T23:22:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... Weird... Dreamt of Gabriel Heng last night. = S
Didn't take me long to realise that it was a nightmare. Scary...

Gonna meet up with Miss Wong tomorrow to discuss StAJeWorks' plans for the coming year. It's gonna be exciting. We're gonna be organising this inter-house drama competition for AJ. Yea... Who says that inter-house competitions are only sports oriented? Yep, but the more important thing that we're doing next year is Mother Courage. Yep yep, am very very excited. Gonna receive the script tomorrow. We'll be performing on 30th April and 1st May next year at the old parliament building. Have 240 tickets to sell, each going at 20 bucks each. Although it's pretty expensive, all those who know me will not be given any option. You will, by default, be given 1 ticket each, in which you must exchange that ticket for 20 bucks. Additional tips are welcomed. Hehe... I'll fill you guys in on more details at a later date. Oei, Mother Courage know, me know, will be producing it know, old parliament building know. Must come know.

Ok, now for the not so exciting part. It seems like MeNeo needs help from the ELDDS seniors from Cat High with next year's SYF. Har Har. Yep... I'm gonna go back to that building to help out. Why? Because of CIP hours. Need 'em. Badly. Sigh... Also, it seems like the rest of the gang has already met up with her and have already received their scripts. Heard that it was written by ELDDS' new director. Heard that it wasn't impressive. Har Har. Hmmm... Maybe I'm gonna pick up the script tomorrow from Branz' on my way to meet Miss Wong... Somehow am also eager to see what the Cat High script is like. O yea... It's not a good thing...

Just for the record, I haven't done any homework for the past 2 weeks. Sigh... Should get started tomorrow ya...

2004-11-04T01:02:00.000+08:00

Went to watch the grudge with charmaine, kelvin and gorgeous today. It's pretty weird that kel and I went for that, cause we ever went for Ju-On, the original film. Yea... But the grudge was still ok. I mean, it was still ok lah. Wasn't as scary as the original one. But overall, still quite entertaining... Especially when sitting beside charmaine. Haha...

Went for school today. Actually, I've been going to school for the past few days. Don't understand why also. I mean, all the other colleges in S'pore have already closed for the term. AJ is still making school compulsory. Well... We're suppose to practise SDL. Yea... I ended up sleeping and watching 'the pianist'. How's that for SDL.

It's pretty late now. Prolly gonna go read a book till i fall asleep. Yea... Then have to wake up early tomorrow... to study for Friday's blardy paper...

Never knew I hated chinese this much...

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-11-01T17:47:00.000+08:00

YES! Sickening PW is finally over. It's about time anyway. Ahhh... Still remember the days when I was under the mercy of the blardy subject. Meetings during weekends, late nights due to written reports, research, research and more research... It's a good thing. In fact, a very good thing. Yep, happy that it's over. Very happy.

Yep, had my OP today (So soon eh?). It was.... ok... I guess. Thought that i screwed up my Q&A though. The examiners were alright I think. Well... At least they looked friendly enough. Hopefully this is reflected in my grades ya. The examiners asked me about the case study that I was doing and asked what lessons I've learned from doing it. My reaction: Stunned. What kind of question is that?! When you do a case study, you just do a case study right? What lessons learned? How to answer? But then again, I should be thankful. My other teammates got worse questions than I did. For the speaking and presenting part, I think I did pretty well. Think I went abit too fast... But then again, it's quite an achievement being able to finish my part under 5 mins. My last practice took me nearly 6 mins. Yep... Things you never knew you could do in times of desperation.

Currently, am still in school library, updating my blog. Need to kill time. Mom's only coming at 6pm. And it's now... 5.57pm... Shit...

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-10-20T01:02:00.000+08:00

Life's good. So far. We'll see how things go tomorrow. Gonna have a real serious session with StAJeWorks people. Must be flexible tmr. Need to filter the good stuff from the bad. Have to take things with a positive attitude. Yep... Everything must be taken positively. Yes, even my promos results. Didn't do exceptionally well, just did well enough to pass and get promoted *phew*. But ya, still have to buck up and start reaching for the As' and not just the passing mark of 45.

Hmmm... Recollections. Somehow, this year seems to pass quicker than the previous one. Now we're already in mid October! Just seemed like yesterday when I first stepped into AJC. Dunno what's gotten over me... got hit by nostalgia I guess.

*Dreamy mode*

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-10-16T22:55:00.000+08:00

Had open house today. Turn out for open house wasn't great. In fact it sucked pretty bad... Currently, feeling very low. Dunno why... Most prolly cause I felt that more could be done about lotsa stuff. This pertains to both AJ and StAJeWorks.

I really really dislike it when Shama messages me, telling me that she has something important to say to me. Very very usually, if not always, it's bad news, or something I know that I'm not gonna like hearing. Today ain't no exception. It was regarding the feedbacks I got from everyone from the club about how the booth and the arrangements went. At that time when I was bombarded with all the feedbacks and stuff, I felt damn bad. So damn bad and so damn low. Many, if not all felt that the arrangements of our booth was very wrong. Many, if not all felt that it was chaotic (Ya, that I know). Many, if not all felt that much much more could be done. Many if not all were disappointed. Just a point to note, I was not happy, not not happy at all when I left the campus. I knew that it was coming. I knew that I was gonna get real bad feedbacks. I knew that the gun would be placed next to my temple, ready to be fired. I knew I was gonna hate whatever Shama was gonna say to me.

Initially, it was ok for me, personally. Until the part about the feedbacks from other ex-co members. Man I tell you... that really hit the spot. I'm not angry, I'm not mad, just momentarily pissed and absolutely disappointed. It was hurting so bad at that time. I dunno.. The way Shama told me about the feedbacks, made it more difficult for me to accept things. I mean, the questions she asked were all in the form of why didn't I do this, or why didn't I think of that, or why isn't this being done, or why is all this happening. My answer, I don't know. I don't know why either.

The more she spoke, the more my heart sank. So many things were happening and yet I didn't notice anything. It sucks you know. Especially when you're supposedly "the leader" and supposedly "responsible for everything". So much so that I felt as if everything was directed towards me, at me. Everything was my fault. Something could have been done and I didn't, it was my fault. I caused all this shit and stuff. Things turned out this way because of me. All my fault!

But seriously, after much thinking, I feel that I shouldn't shoulder all the blame. Shama did make it clear to me that all this crap did not originate from me. And it would be unfair if I was made the scapegoat or the sole person to compromise. I didn't see this point till much later.

For me, as a president, I feel trapped. In fact, I feel as if I'm stranded on a deserted island, with a gun in hand, and am all alone. Moreover, that island itself is kinda like one that is located at least 100km away from the next nearest settlement. In other words, I'm a goner. It's just a matter of how I wish to kill myself. The methods are endless. I could torture myself slowly, till I die of hunger or thirst, or I could just shoot myself between the eye. Either way, I'll still end up dead. Similarly, in the scenario I'm facing now. Whether or not I do something about a certain matter, I feel as if I'm always blamed for a certain reason whatsoever. Regardless of how much effort I put in, or how much planning has been done, there will still be someone who will be unhappy and discontented. I know that it is impossible to satisfy everyone's expectations and needs. I also know that it's impossible to make everyone happy with the decisions that I make. But the fact that I'm always blamed just makes everything that I do seem less worthwhile.

I'm very very very tired. So tired of trying to give every single person the benefit of an adult, of giving them a chance to accomplish a task, without laying any boundaries. I'm so tired of needing to clear up the mess they've made and to be blamed for it because everything that I do is so last minute. Then again, what choices do I have if I always need to fill in the blanks and to finish the tasks for them within a time limit?

It's not a matter of whether I've done enough or not. It's not a matter of whether I'm trying hard enough or not. It's more of a matter of whether I have the capacity to do everything or not. I'm saying this now, I don't. I cannot handle everything on my own. I cannot deal with all matters by myself. It's impossible! I'm not saying that I'm the only person in StAJeWorks who is working my ass off just trying to keep the club together. There are many people out there who too have contributed to a large extent. And for that I thank them lots. However, crap still happens, and things screw up and I get targetted time and time again. Victimised.

Actually, such things cannot be helped. After all, I'm supposedly "the leader". When things cock up, the first person people point to will definitely be me. Since that's the case, what do they expect from me? Should I be stricter? Should I run the club such that things will only be done my way, and my way only? Or should I just let things be. Regardless of whatever roads I choose, I'll still be gunned down.

My approach towards CCA used to be super fierce and super strict. I didn't like the response I got from others. Generally, I had no juniors, cause I was too over the top with discipline. Oh yea, the club did well, and everything was good. But I sacrificed alot. Others had juniors whom they can sit down, laugh and talk with. I didn't. My only friends were those whom were from the same level as I was. It was prolly because of this that when I left Cat High, everything else came with me. I had nothing worth revisiting or returning to Cat High for. I don't want this similar shit to occur again in JC life. I don't want to be hated. I don't want to be feared. I don't want to experience the same thing i went thru back then.

And so I became less strict and drew lesser boundaries. What resulted from it was far from what i expected. The club is falling apart. And I can't help blaming myself for it being in such a state. It's so superificial now. We may smile and laugh. But in actual fact, it is not the case.

More can be done. That I know. Perhaps it's the process of growing and learning. Nothing is perfect. I just need to be understood...

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

~~~~~~~~~~
The above entry is not meant to insult or to hurt anyone's feelings. It's just on what I feel and how I'm seeing things.

2004-10-14T16:20:00.000+08:00

*Gulp* Getting back test papers tomorrow... Don't really feel very well... Yuhao just told me what Mr Wee said to him. Something about him doing very badly for the maths paper and that he needs to work really hard next year. Ya, then now he's damn worried about tomorrow's results. I did comfort him. Telling him not to worry since worrying doesn't better one's grades anyway. But then... HOW NOT TO WORRY!?!?!?! Promos leh. Important exam. Then again... Exams to me were never this important. Not even my prelims back in Cat High. This is much worse, somewhat like that when I was waiting to receive my O levels results. Ugh... Pray man... Need to pray... Pray that I can pass and get promoted...

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-10-08T20:43:00.000+08:00

BLARDY HELL!!!!!! I lost my handphone. All my contacts, all my numbers, all my information, all my memories gone. ARGH!!!! Damn sad lah. 300 bucks down the drain like that... Hai... Some idiot took it when it dropped out of my pocket... Oh well... Nothing I can do liao. Mom is damn pissed off. I'm also damn pissed off. Hai...

Ok, better news. I survived the promos!!! But then... Not very confident of my results. Hopefully can get promoted. Don't wanna be retained. I'm praying for results good enough for me to move up 1 level. Very sure that my physics is screwed. Completely screwed. Left half the paper blank. Don't know why also. Just one of those days when you get this mental block thing. Hai...

Not in a good mood now. Gonna stop this post here. So blardy friggin pissed off with the idiot who took my phone.

.:. May all handphone-stealers be thrown into jail...

2004-09-28T21:18:00.000+08:00

Ugh... Down with tonsilitis again. Damn it hurts. Just came back from the doctor. Was given a mc. But don't think I'm gonna use it anytime soon... Need to get more rest. Drink more water. Sleep more. Sigh... Health or promos? Health or promos?

Promos

Went to the shirt supplier today. The boss of the company was really nice. He gave us a very good price of 12 bucks for each piece. Usually he would charge us about 20 bucks for each, but on account that he knows my mom, I managed to get a good price. Yay! Moreover the quality of the material is also pretty good. Real comfy. Finally decided on printing the fonts in blue instead of red. Looks more... classy, as Justin puts it.

Hai... Met with a problem again. We can't perform the opening scene of Mother Courage anymore. Not enough time. Need to think of something to do... Fast...

Study hard and pass the promos. Please.

Enjoy.

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-09-26T17:04:00.000+08:00

Woah... It has been ages since I last updated my blog. Have been occupied with the preparation of promos ( I MUST GET PROMOTED), and the AJ Open House. I'm doing pretty ok I think. Have been fairly disciplined in following my timetable. Yea... Just need to hang in there... 2 more weeks and the entire thing is blardy over.

Ok, good news. StAJeWorks is going to put up a preview of Mother Courage at the AJ Open House. Great news, cause we finally found something interesting to do. Yay! This play is kinda like a long term investment for StAJeWorks, cause it's gonna be a 2 years long thing. We're doing Mother Courage for this year's play and for next year's SYF. It's a very very very tough play to do. But I think we're up for it. Yay! Gonna be interesting. Haven't got the script though. Miss Wong is still in the midst of writing it. Anyway, the preview will help to publicise the play, and hopefully, the turnout for the actual day of performance itself is overwhelming. Think we're doing the epilogue for the play. Yay! Not sure if we have enough time. Erm... Seriously, is 3 days enough to prepare a 3 minutes skit? Not sure arh. But try. Yay! I'm looking forward to next year's activity. Yay!

Have already designed the StAJeWorks polo tee. Looks pretty decent, I think. Yea... Proudly designed by me. I'd say that it's pretty good for a first attempt. Also, it has already been approved by the PE Dept. I'm excited about it. Only thing left to do is to get it printed. Hopefully before promos.

Ok guys, back to mugsville. Have been doing econs for the past few hours. Didn't think that doing maths would be a wise idea, especially when I've got this spastic tap-like nose that has gone way out of control. Tried all sorts of remedies to fix the problem, but they ain't working. Maybe I should pop another pill...

Study hard guys! 2 more weeks and it's all over. Get your asses promoted. Good luck!

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-09-15T19:22:00.000+08:00

STRESS ARH!!!!! So much things to do. Firstly, there's my studies. Quite problem. Very very scared that I'll get retained... Ugh... Next, there's the CCA/College Activities. Open house is coming up. So many datelines to meet. See, banner design must be done by the 3rd week. It must be drawn out and stuff, then need to show Miss Wong and Isz. Then, need to get the StAJeWorks polo tee out also, before the promos. Cos the guys have to wear it during the Open House. Somemore, need to get this farewell message thing done for the seniors by this Friday. Also, have to transmit alot of information to the guys at StAJeWorks... ARGH!!!! STRESS ARH!!!

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-09-09T23:30:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KELVIN!!!
Hope you liked the mini birthday party that we held for you. Abit small scaled, but should be ok, right? Heh... Well... We spent quite a sum on all the stuff... Enjoy your Garfield book ya. Haha... Mahjong was fun, too bad Aaron couldn't hu. Haha... Tough luck.

Well... Alot has happened to me over the past week. Have received terrible news... As well as some joyous ones. Kinda tired and worn out from all those surprises. Then I have the promos coming up. Don't really have much time to rest. Honestly, I doubt I have enough time to complete my revision... Hope I don't get retained... Sigh...

~

Just wanna let you know I love you to bits. You are my everything. Thank you for always being there for me and believing in me. Without you, I wouldn't be where I'm at now. Thank you for all the sacrifices that you've made for me. I feel so guilty and bad at times... But I'll make it up to you in the near future. I love you lots Mom.

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-09-03T23:25:00.000+08:00

I got home only to discover that my grandma was admitted to the hospital. Lately, she's been having this intense uncontrollable fidgetting of her hand. Yea... My mom thought that it was best that she be admitted to the hospital so that she can have a complete and thorough check up. It turns out that my grandma is showing symptoms that of a parkinson's disease patient. Yea... Chances are the condition would deteriorate. Well... Nothing much I can do but hope for the best.

You'll be fine, I'm sure

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-09-01T21:10:00.000+08:00

Firstly, would like to start off this entry by congragulating Brandon on a job well done at the Young Co. Well done Mr DrinkWater. Hehe... Very proud of you. Think you've grown so much as an actor. Bravo ya. Keep up the good job.

Heh... Watched Brandon's play, Dracula, yesterday. Cheam... But cool. Thought that the set was very nice, especially the flight of stairs... Hehe... Hopefully StAJeWorks can have something like that for our performance next year.

Ok, guys, I was picked up by a girl for the very first time. It happened last night after watching Brandon's play. We were waiting outside the DBS Arts Centre for Brandon to come out. Then while waiting, this guy walked up to me and asked for my number.(?) He said he was asking for a friend of his who found me cute.(??) I then gave him my number and name.(????????????) Why? Cos I didn't think that making a new friend would be of any harm (would it?). It was only after that guy left when Vincent asked me if I knew whether that guy's 'friend' is a guy or a girl.

...

Stumped. Didn't know what to say. Then I realised my mistake. Then the phone rang. It was some weird number. I panicked. I passed Vincent my phone. I asked him to answer. I kept my fingers crossed that it was a girl...

Well, it was. A girl. But Vincent made me look bad. He told her that I didn't want to pick up the call. Hai... But eventually, I sms-ed her saying that I was sorry that I didn't pick up cause I was in a foul mood. Heh... It wasn't exactly made up. It's true I had a bad day what. So no harm done there.

Looking bad. I found the situation pretty amusing. Kinda awkward, but amusing. You know lah, the feeling of someone wanting your number for the first time ever is really weird. Heh... Well... there's always a first eh? The last message I received from her said that I didn't look like someone who is studious and that I should be one of those rebellious ones in school. Haha... Maybe it's the dressing lah. Abit punkish. Oh well... Just another weird weird day of mine.

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-08-24T18:37:00.000+08:00

My pa left for Papau New Gineau already. Will only be back next year... Sigh... Am gonna miss him... Wish him the best over there. Take care, be safe. Looking forward to seeing him again.

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-08-20T18:48:00.000+08:00

Heh... Today is... an interesting day. Haha... Especially during the CCA handover ceremony.

I wouldn't call it embarrassing, just different. Heh... See, Ying Rui and I wanted to do something different. So instead of just going up to shake hands. We decided to like give each other a hug. Haha... But to our surprise, the audience reacted... Hmmmm... Very wildly to that. Maybe because that was the only hug of the ceremony or something. I recieved alot of cat calls after that. Haha... Quite funny lah. I was laughing to myself on my way back to the standing position. Heh... But I'm ok with it. I mean, there's nothing wrong what. It's not that Ying Rui and I aren't close or anything. It's fine by me. Heh...

The guys in my class got into trouble with Miss Dlajit after they kepy shouting my chinese name. See arh, in AJ, there's this very muscular teacher but his actions are very demure and feminine. So as usual lah, my class likes to poke fun of him. And since his name is Chan Chee Ming, they took this opportunity to shout as loud as they wanted lor. Haha... Don't think Miss Daljit understood, but she wanted all of them to write her a letter by tomorrow. Quite poor thing arh. Haha...

I'm feeling good. Have alot of work to do though. There's a maths test tomorrow. Yet to start on trigo yet. Hmmm... Hope I can pass ya

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-08-19T17:20:00.000+08:00

Ugh... It's Thursday already... That means tomorrow is the CCA handover thing. Kinda excited yet scared at the same time. You know, I've always wanted to be part of this thing, but then again, am very afraid that it'll become leng chang. The thought of getting jeers instead of cheers really makes me feel lousy. Oh man... We'll see how things go...

I don't think I did well as the president of StAJeWorks, especially over the past few weeks. The club has gotten somewhat messy. Really at a loss. Don't know how to fix such stuff. Discussed this matter with Justin though, and came up with a plan as to how we can instill commitment into the guys. Hopefully it'll work. Hai... Seriously, quite irritated with the attendence that I've been getting. 3 members out of 11 came for the meeting? Very pathetic right? Hai... But some got valid excuse lah, just not very happy with those people who not only did not attend the meetings but also did not bother to inform the ex-co members at all... But nevermind, look on the bright side, we can fix this...

Exams have already started. Stress it building up again. If I count, I've only got 5 weeks to prepare for my promos. That means I can afford about 1 week+ for each subject. Problem: To date, I still owe my tutors about 3 tutorials for each subject, not forgetting the chinese holiday assignment which I was suppose to hand in 6 weeks ago. But nevermind, I'm not aiming high for the promos. Just need 1 A level pass and 2 AO passes...

Some people want it all, but I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby, if i ain't got you baby...

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-08-16T06:44:00.000+08:00

Artist: Various Artists
Album: Unity: Official Athens 2004 Olympic Games
Title: Universal Prayer - Tiziano Ferro and Jamelia

Everybody has the same dream
A dream in their heart
Get a chance to make a life
Love somebody they won't
Open your eyes we're all the same
We won't be scared
So let's sing together now
Na na na na
In this Universal Prayer

Heh, heard this song while I was still in bed. I really like this song. It really signifies the spirit of the Olympic Games. A really positive perception of the games instead of just commercialization everywhere. Ya, anyway, really like it. It's R&B. Go listen to it. Just listening to it made me feel good. A very good start today. I think.

Cheers! Ronald Susilo beat Lin Dan. Heh... Happy happy happy. Another reason why I'm so chirpy. Go S'pore!

Ok, shit... Late for school liao. Gotta run. Stay happy always. Na na na na

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-08-14T11:08:00.000+08:00

Had Econs and GP tests. Even though I studied very hard for econs over the past week, I don't think that I did well. Maybe just pass only. But ya, quite happy liao. Considering the fact that it was late last night when I suddenly realise that I couldn't recall anything from econs. Quite scary. It hit me when Raymond asked me about the characteristics of Monopoly over the phone. Ya... As usual, my head was blank. Needed to flip notes. It got worse after that. I found out that I could only do mathematical calculations and not state theories, write long sentences and define funny terms. So, ended up revising my notes till 1 before turning in. Man... Very tired lah. GP was crappy. Didn't get to finish AQ, didn't get to finish vocab. Screw it lah, shall worry about it next time. Haha...

Am excited that the Olympics have finally started. But the scheduled timing really sucks big time. I think everyone should go watch it. It gives you the urge to go exercise. Haha... After watching the swimming and badminton sports, I suddenly felt very unfit. Maybe because it was due to the Swensen's that I had earlier today. Maybe not. Hmmm... Badminton later anyone?

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-08-12T19:36:00.000+08:00

I think I'm beginning to have compre-phobia. I've been doing so many compre papers over the past week. I've done 3 compre papers in 3 days. It's so damn agonizing. The pain of staring at the passage, not knowing what the hell the author is trying to say. The fear of reading the question, especially the AQ. Ugh... The SAJC Compre Paper that Miss Wong gave me was killer. It look me about half an hour before realising that that the passages were talking about morality. It took me roughly 6 hours to complete that paper. How am I going to finish the actual paper within one and a half hours? Good question. I also don't know. You wouldn't believe how much pain I was in as I struggled to finish the paper. Hai... Practise I guess... Need to get the hang of it. God bless me on this Sat's GP Common Test.

Speaking of Saturday, I'm gonna meet the StAJeWorks guys directly after the papers. Need to discuss some stuff pertaining to the club welfare. Just found out that AJ's Open House is also on the 16th of October. Same as VJ's and NJ's. That means... We need to get alot of things done. Am hoping that all the StAJeWorks people got the last minute message.

Went to try out the blazer today at the council room. Heh... Think I look weird in a blazer. Anyway, it's for the CCA handover. Not sure when it is though. But it will either be on the 20th or the 27th. I'd better not screw up on that day...

Cheers! Olympics starting soon!

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-08-09T18:13:00.000+08:00

Happy National Day

Yep, 9th August today. Currently am watching NDP on TV while typing this entry. Heh... And who said that I can't multi-task. Ya, anyway, my Dad's going to Papau New Guinea next week. He's gonna be there on a business trip till next year. I'm actually quite worried, cause it ain't really that safe over there. Heard that he has to have bodyguards with him wherever he goes. Goes to show how dangerous the place is. Well... It's what he wants to do... No point stopping him eh?

Dunno why, I was very irritated throughout the early half of the day. Was very grouchy and moody. But it's over now. The idea of having to wake up early tomorrow to attend the CCA heads workshop while everyone else is still sleeping kinda sucks. It's a workshop on how we should go about being leaders and how we should run the CCA and stuff. It will be useful, but then again, should be rather boring... Ya... We'll see how everything goes...

Congrats KP on being VP! All the best, do your job well.

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-08-04T16:20:00.000+08:00

Hai... So much work... Daljit is being damn demanding of me again. Dunno how many times she scolded me over the week. Need to hand in this, need to do that. Why didn't I do this, why didn't I get that. It's the same thing over and over again. No idea what's with her. Somehow she'll find a fault with me or something.

Hai... Ok, back to work... GP essays, comprehensions and summaries. Envy me people, envy me.

2004-07-28T22:48:00.000+08:00

Yep, AJ Drama Club is now known as StAJeWorks. Pretty cool huh? It was approved jus tonight. Am very excited over this. Took about 2 years for MoE to approve. Oh well... finally right?

Ya... I took about 20 minutes the realise why 'Stage' was spelled as 'StAJe'. Initially thought that it was a spelling error... But ya, after that then I found out the purpose of it. Haha...

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-07-24T19:00:00.000+08:00

Went for the SYF finals yesterday with Justin, Charmaine and Vincent. Went for dinner with Vincent directly after school. It was nice seeing him again. Went to Coronation Plaza for the western food. 6 bucks for soup, garlic bread, main course and free flow of drinks. Not a bad deal. Pity we didn't have enough time to deplete their stock of drinks. Heh...

Met Justin and Charmaine at Chinese High after that. We were told to be seated by 7pm, but to our surprise, it only started at 7.40. Ya... Quite boring while waiting for the performances to begin.

Saw VJ's play for the first time, shattered. Was quite annoyed by the frequent blackouts and fadeouts. It disrupted the flow. But still, the play was good. Saw Brandon acting. Really really think that he has grown alot as an actor. Ahem... He even has the funny accent that the AC people had. Haha... As usual, Keng Phang did a fantastic job with the lights. Very proud of you guys.

MI's play was very much like the last one. The female lead was very into character. Even though this is my 2nd time watching, it was just as entertaining as the previous one. MI did well.

ACJC's play was... alot better than the central judging one. Finally they were able to find-the-light. In terms of stage awareness, they improved alot. But like the last time, I found the accent very annoying. Ya... I had alot of comments on AC's play, but dare not say it to Vincent cause seated behind us were graduates of ACJC. Ya... Quite inconsiderate lah, cause throughout the play they were damn noisy. Vincent and I exchanged the i'm-pissed-off look several times during AC's play. Haha... But I don't blame them. If I were in their shoes, I'd do that too. Haha

Well, The best actor award went to VJ. Best actress went to MI, no surprise there. Best play of the year went to ACJC. I feel that they are all winners in their own ways. Am just glad that I was able to see it.

Thanks for the tickets KP.

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-07-21T21:10:00.000+08:00

Today started out pretty good. I like it when it rains in the morning. It's just so cooling. You know, the feel of the breeze when you open your window and the sound of the rain. Very nice. Wished that I could have slept longer... But... Yep, life still goes on, schools still need to be attended. Don't have very much of a choice. Mom sent me to school, but I arrived only at about 7.50pm. Haha... Mom was damn pissed off by the traffic condition. Mainly cause we took half an hour to travel from Toa Payoh to Yio Chu Kang. Heh...

Had a short meeting with the drama guys today. Discussed mainly about the farewell party. Was actually pleased with the rate the last minute information disseminated among them. Yep, another reason why I'm feeling happy. It was nice to hear all the suggestions and stuff. Haha... Can still remember what Melissa proposed to do during the farewell. Go pet rabbits and feed ducks right?

Went to Junction 8 with Charmaine, Brendan and Kelvin after that. Initially wanted to go have prata at somewhere in Thomson... But because of me, we had to go J8. It was quite disappointing, cause I haven't had prata in ages... Didn't go cause I needed to buy my brother a birthday gift and had to return to AJ by 5.30. Ended up having pasta. Man... Till now, I still can't believe that I couldn't finish that plate of linguine. Either my stomach shrunk or the portion somehow got larger. Hmmm... Pastamania doesn't taste as good as it used to.

After shopping and some nagging from Charmaine, I finally decided to get a pencil case for my bro. Since he already had a new wallet and water bottle, I'm not left with much choices. In the end, I just grabbed the black and yellow converse pencil case for him. Yep, think he liked it. Hehe...

Went back to AJ after that to attend the CCA Heads meeting. Thought that I was going to be the loner there, but met Zhuu Ming. Miss Siau mainly talked about roles and committments of being a student leader. Need to participate actively and work towards the improvement of the college. Honestly, I was feeling stressed by the end of her talk. Didn't know that there was so much to do as president. We're required to attend workshops and school functions and stuff. Well... It's gonna be a busy year.

The official CCA handover is on the 20th of August. Yep, council investiture is this Friday. Looking forward to the weekends. I seriously need more sleep.

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-07-20T16:45:00.000+08:00

What's the world coming to?

I feel so helpless. Part of me wants to do something, yet another part of me insists that I should be mindful and not to do anything stupid. Just so... helpless... and so innocent. I've been holding on to the belief that as long as you are free of your conscience, you are safe. But somehow, this part of me is faltering. I'm not sure if keeping mum works anymore. It gets worse every single day. Stupid irritating things just keep coming at me. They come so fast, so rapid... And all I get is yesterday's news. I want it to be made known, I want to stop this nonsensical shit. But... Everything I do is wrong. Everything I try is wrong. Everything I say makes people angry and sad. Then what the hell can I do? Expectations too high? Maybe. But it ain't me. It's them. I've done all I can. I've said what I intented. Don't push me. It might just get too personal. Heck about keeping up the image. Heck about school and all that crap. I go for what I want, no one can stop me! I've had enough of hypocrisy. The stories people know are never complete. The side which people see me is not who I really am, but rather, it is the side that I'm rumoured to be like. I've said sorrys way too many times. I've apologised and accepted blames one too many. I do not deserve this! No trust, no loyalty, no nothing. Only back-stabbings and silly things that just make the situation worse. I'm tired. They may find it amusing and may be gloating over what I am now. But I don't care. They can feel satisfied and happy for all their efforts. But I hope, eventually, that they'll realise their grave mistake and stupidity. Disappointment, disappointment, disappointment. Ashamed, I feel so ashamed... Such a pity... Pity.

2004-07-17T11:44:00.000+08:00

I don't feel good... Ugh... Maybe falling sick soon... Ya... Runny nose, coughing, body's aching... Wanted to watch yesterday's volleyball match on cable. It starts at 11.30pm. but somehow, while waiting for it to come on, I fell asleep. Yep... Slept all the way from 11+ last night to 9 this morning. It felt good. Has been a very very long time since I last got to enjoy a nice long sleep. Must have been too tired...

Celebrated Melissa's burfdae yesterday with Boonz. It was nice. Had alot of chocolate cake. Haha... I rushed from AJ to AMK central to Far East. Schedule was pretty tight, but still made it. We took alot of pictures with Boonz' digital cam. Melissa seemed to enjoy it alot... Haha... Anyway, we took neoprints after that. I've got to admit, this is the best I've ever looked in a neoprint. Ya, in AJ uniform somemore. We picked up a few breadtalk balloons for her, quite malu cause she was the only girl carrying balloons around. Heh... After sending Melissa off, Boonz and I went for a walk around Orchard. Got ourselves busy at the food fair, got choked on Mustard sauce while eating sausages, survived with 25 cents in my wallet. Yep... Didn't really talk much about our problems and stuff though, prolly cause neither of us wanted to dampen the mood. But it did some good, I had fun.

Promos coming soon. Sigh... first week of October... Pray that I don't retain ya.

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-07-14T19:56:00.000+08:00

Today is the suckiest day I've ever had this term. I'm so damn pissed off. See, it happened during Econs Lecture. Well, I was sitting at the last row with the guys from my class. Then midway through the lecture, Kian and Braddy started playing and making stupid noises. All of sudden, they started shouting 'MiiiiLLLKKKK' for no particular reason. What the fuck man, so damn embarrassing. The lecturer then started to scold the whole lot of us sitting at the back row. I was so paiseh know. Every single person in the lecture theatre was staring at the group of us. Walao... Grrrrr.... So suay. Got scolded cause I happened to sit in the same row as those 2 idiots. Our names were taken down, all 9 of us. Then for the next few lectures, we have to sit way in front. I'm so damn pissed off. I did nothing at all! I was listening and jotting down notes, then all of a sudden kana sabo-ed by those 2 goons. What a way to start out the day huh?

Initially I wanted to speak to the lecturer, to tell her that I did nothing, but then I thought it would be best to just take the blame and let the matter pass. Now I'm starting to regret that I didn't say anything about the matter... Hai... Next time, I'm gonna sit with the girls. I should have known better...

Then I got suaned and taunted by a few people. It didn't make me feel better. But it did make me feel even lousier. I felt damn low today... Was so upset about so many stuff. After the ex-co meeting, I went to have lunch with Kelvin. Talked about my bloody sickening day while lunching. It made me feel alot better. Very thankful that he was there to listen to me...

Sigh... I guess it's kinda like a learning lesson for me. Don't curse and swear at the situation, learn how to walk through it, overcome it and put it behind. Life's not always fair anyway. Ya? Still am trying to get the 'don't curse and swear' part into my head...

Bloody Hell...

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-07-11T23:44:00.000+08:00

Have been doing GP essays for the past few days. Initally wanted to complete 3 by Friday this week, but guess what, till now, I've only managed to do 2. Yep... In other words, I'm screwed. Oh well... At most I'll just get a scolding and will need to write a letter to her... Sigh... GP sucks.

I'm slipping I think... In terms of results and perserverance. I get irritated easily and stuff. Don't like this feeling, no idea what's happening to me. Can't seem to concentrate and put my mind on a task. I tend to drift away... Then I start to hate myself for wasting time doing stupid things. Maybe I'm tired because of the crazy mugging schedule I had a few weeks ago. Well... Will need some time to get my normal working mindset on the go.

Hmmm... Just realised that what I've typed made me seem as though I'm a mugger. Haha... Oh well... Only you guys know...

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-07-10T00:06:00.000+08:00

I feel so guilty. I've never ate so much chocolate at one shot... Feeling kinda fat now... The dinner at wendy's was good. Although not many people turned up. It was still pretty good. At least we got more food ya. Had pizza, chicken, ribs, prata, yam ring, etc. Ya... And alot of chocolates... Ugh...

Our physics tutor changed to Miss Faith Ng. Haha... Vincent ever told me that a friend of his is being transferred to AJ to teach Physics. Then it so happened that his friend was teaching me. Initially, I thought Vincent and Miss Ng were siblings know. Cos at that time I forgot Vincent's surname... I mean, Vincent Ng sounds very familiar right? Ya, so I thought 'Ng' was Vincent's surname. Then I messaged him, asking Vince if Faith was his sister's name. Then it was later during civics when I realised that Vincent's surname was 'Teo' not 'Ng'. Haha... Then during lab lesson. Miss Ng went to my bench and started asking me questions. She asked how come I find her looks similar to Vincent's. Then I said, dunno, first intuition. Then she said, we can't be friends is it? Then I explained to her and stuff. Quite awkward but also funny. Yep... Then left a mark on her records liao. She's actually a very nice person. Many of them liked her. She looks like someone whom we can relate to, unlike Mr Foong. Guess that means I have to do my Physics tutorials from now onwards...

Results weren't very good... Need to buck up. Got CL 'ao' listening tomorrow... Ya... Better dig my ears.

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-07-06T23:16:00.000+08:00

Dead.

Very sure I did badly for my chinese oral exam... Hai... Nevermind... I tried, but the words didn't come out... It's over already, no point worrying. Need to cheer up...

There's a reunion thing for all Cat High Drama people on Thurs at Wendy's. Think it's pot luck. Haven't decided what I want to bring... Chicken Wings? We'll see... Yep, am looking forward to it. Has been quite some time since I last saw the guys.

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-07-05T21:06:00.000+08:00

Went for Spiderman 2 today. The show was pretty good. But not fantastic. Really liked the action scenes. Especially the parts when Spiderman fought against Doc. Octopus. Very exciting. Yep... Had fun watching the movie. We then went to Aaron's place to kill time I guess... Well, it's better than staying at home, right?

Tomorrow's Tuesday, which means the start of another term... Ugh... Don't really feel like going... Have yet to get myself ready for the new term. See, I still owe Daljit 5 GP essays (Don't think I'll be doing although I'm the GP rep), I have morning PE tomorrow which is really gonna suck (I can feel it), I need to wake up damn early everyday (ARGH!!!). Also, I've got A levels Chinese Oral tomorrow noon... Nope, am not prepared for it... Heck, so what if I have the Jamie Yeo Mandarin accent, it's the way I speak right? There's nothing I can do about it. All I need to do now is read through the handout which the teacher gave me... Yep... Think that'll do... Aaron and Kelvin had their orals already. From what I heard, the topics discussed weren't as simple as those during the O levels.

Ok, wish me luck... I think I'm gonna need a hell lot of it

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-07-02T23:09:00.000+08:00

Stayed at home the whole of today cause we couldn't get the tickets. Sigh... Quite sad actually... But then, we're going for the movie on Monday. Yep... And since the movie outing was cancelled, so Raymond and I decided not to do CIP afterall. Wasn't very interesting to stay home. It's suppose to be good for my tired mind and body but somehow it became agonizing. Tomorrow's the same story I guess... Home... Bored... Without food... Cable TV with nothing good showing...

Going to attend a birthday party tomorrow at around 5 or so. Ya, cousin's cousin birthday. I'm going there for the food. Bout time I gave myself a little treat... Hehe...

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-07-01T17:49:00.000+08:00

Blardy Hell! Study also fail, don't study also fail. Walao, then might as well don't study. I mugged so hard for physics, then in the end the section B out of 7 questions, I only did 3 know. Then left the other 4 blank. Like that confirm fail liao. Sad lah... Hai... Very upset, cause I took physics and chinese today. Physics turned out very bad... Ya... I mugged damn hard for it know... Then in the end, this shit happens. But chinese was different I think. I found the paper moderate, but then everyone I asked said that the paper was tough. What the hell, maybe I took the wrong paper. Like, maybe I took CL 'b' instead of CL 'ao'. Aiyah, don't know lah... Whatever happens will happen eventually. Yep... Nevermind, try harder next time.

Hai... It's all over now... No point getting upset. My upcoming paper is the AO levels Chinese Oral. This coming Tuesday. Yep... Kel and Aaron are taking theirs tomorrow. Wish them the best of luck. Actually, I'm not too keen in going for the oral. Kelvin told me yesterday that lately, he realised that I've got the Jamie Yeo Mandarin accent each time I try to say something serious in mandarin. I mean, when you ask me to discuss topics like National Education and stuff in chinese, I sound like an ABC. Ya! Told Aaron about it. He agreed also which made it worse for me... Hai... Oral... I got a low merit during the O's... Now's the A's... Ugh...

I'm most prolly going to do CIP at Woodlands library tomorrow. Raymond asked if I wanted to go today, then after remembering that I still had 0 hours of CIP done, I agreed. Ya, going in the afternoon, then going for Spidey Man 2. I'm looking forward to it. But pray that the head librarian at Woodlands Library will let me do CIP... Heh... Then i purposely anyhow sort the books. Hmmm... If I'm lucky I'll get posted to the 'fiction' section. Then can chop books.

Speaking of which, I saw Dan Brown's Angels and Demons at AMK library! But then, this guy took it first. ARGH!!!!! Imagine the agony and pain. 3 weeks of searching and I finally found it, but in someone else's hands!!! ARGH!!!!!!!

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-06-27T03:23:00.000+08:00

I'm so damn tired. I've been sleeping around 3 to 4 am for the past few days. Been up mugging for the papers... Ugh... Nevermind... Persevere... 4 days and everything is over... Now is about 3.30am in the morning. Going to bed soon. Exhausted... Slept at 3am last night, then woke up at 8am again to go mug at Mac's with Kelvin, Aaron, Raymond and Swee Leong... 5 hours of sleep is not alot, considering the fact that I usually need about 10. Oh well... Gonna give myself a small break tomorrow... I'll wake up... Say around 12? Pray that I'm able to finish my syllabus.

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-06-22T10:28:00.000+08:00

Study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study study

Heh... Am using blog as an excuse to give myself a 5 minutes break from econs. Going Aaron's place soon to do something interesting. Wanna make a guess? Yep, studying.

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-06-20T17:35:00.000+08:00

To those who attended and saw the play Skin Deep, thank you for coming and for your comments. Thank you all for always believing in me and for always being there for me. Your support has always been the driving force which kept me going. Thank you ya. Xie xie.

Now the whole production thing is over already... Ya... The same old feeling is coming back again... I'm sure I'm gonna miss rehearsals and stuff... But ya, there's always next year. For now, need to mug. I don't ask for much, pass by a few marks can already. ;)

Take care all

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-06-19T11:51:00.000+08:00

2 down, 1 more to go. Not bad, considering the fact that we did pretty well on both nights. Yep, I think I found my character. AT LAST! Ya... Good feeling when you know you've found your real character and personality. Well, just waiting for time to pass I guess... Will report to Utterly Art at about 5.45pm... Tonight's the last night... Pray that it's the best performance we've ever had. *Fingers crossed*

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-06-16T23:54:00.000+08:00

It has been like ages since I last blogged. Maybe it's cause I'm too busy lah. Busy with rehearsals, performances and such... Ya anyway, tomorrow is going to be my maiden performance. Thursday, Friday and Saturday... Yep... It's gonna be quite... interesting... Considering the fact that I've lost my intensity eons ago and am still struggling to find my character... Ya... We had a preview on Tuesday. It was quite ok. Charmaine, Brendan, Shaun, Shen Kiat and Roy attended it. They said it was ok... But ya... as usual lah, I think we need more work... Well... Fingers crossed. Wish me luck ya. Am gonna need it.

Had a class outing today. Went to Daryl's place for BBQ. Not alot of people attended. Only 9 including me. It was quite ok. Got the fire started pretty easily. Yep... Didn't dare eat much cause I have a performance tomorrow... Wah... Later I no voice. Kana K-ed by Miss Wong then die. Ya... So ate a little bit only. Now I'm drinking some honey water, just in case.

Yep, guess that's bout all... Am gonna be busy over the next few days. Oh ya, for those who want to go attend the play... Sorry arh, ran out of tickets. See, everyday only 10 invited guests are allowed in. So the other guys take take take, then I no more liao... Ya... Hope you guys understand... Sorry k, I'll make it up to you guys some time.

Keep Happy and Smile Always!

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-06-09T23:04:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY My BABY!
Neela turns 1. Yay! Happy happy happy happy. It seemed as though she was the same ol' sweet little pup just yesterday. Time really flies. I didn't get her any presents though. But she had alot to eat today. Other than her usual, she had an extra serving of boiled chicken drumstick. Hehe... It felt special looking at her munch on her food while recalling of how she looked like when she was young. I feel like a proud parent. The first time I saw her, she could hardly balance on her fours, yet she was desperately trying to wag her tiny tail. So cute... Yep, my darling Neela turns 1 today. I'm a happy guy.

Went back to Catholic High earlier today. Not alot of the seniors turned up. Food was horrible, but still edible. Pearl Tham and Roy were shocked to see how much I've changed. Haha... Pearl Tham was like, you lost alot of weight didn't you, you look so different. Roy couldn't recognise me at first. Aiyah, cannot blame him lah. Firstly, I changed my hairstyle, then I'm using contacts now instead of specs, then I'm much tanner and have lost a tat bit more weight. Other than that, I look pretty much the same. But it was nice to see them again. Drama in Cat High is now so slack. There are juniors running around everywhere, making so much noise. If I was there...

Jerold told me that he had a hard time maintaining discipline. See, now he knows how difficult my post was in the past. Hehe... Anyway, Wendy's not the director anymore. This time it's Norah Crotes. She previously directed Commonwealth Sec which won the best play award at last year's SYF. Hmmm... Dunno much about her really, but she seems strict and very... Dunno how to put it lah. She insisted people calling her Mrs Crotes instead of Norah. Feels weird... Anyway, the guys were doing some Imovie thing. Not exactly clear what they were doing, but I wasn't very impressed. Sorry, but really, not impressed. Time could have been better spent on other stuff. That's why when MeNeo asked if we found what they were doing cool, I didn't reply, just smiled.

Well, it was a nice gatehring nonetheless. Went to watch Harry Potter with Vince and KP. My 2nd time watching it. If my mom finds out I'll be skinned alive cos I'm suppose to spend less during the holidays... Anyway, it was nice to speak to them again, find out how they are doing in their respective JCs and stuff. Daryl said that we may have another gathering on the last week of the holidays. Not very sure if I can make it... Need to study... which I haven't been doing lately... Ya... We'll see...

Got PW meeting tomorrow at ten. Think I'll like bring maths and some extra makan there just in case I feel hungry... It's gonna be a long day

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-06-08T19:16:00.000+08:00

The weekend has done me good, I think. I didn't reply any of my messages, didn't use my handphone at all. I needed some time to myself. Yeah... Hope I didn't piss anyone off during that period.

Had PE today. It was very slack. All we had to do was run 10 rounds. After that, we were dismissed. Quite boring lah. But it was nice cause I ran the rounds with Kelvin and Ronald, kind of like a mini 4-8 reunion thing.

Speaking of reunions, I'm invited back to attend the drama gathering at Cat High tomorrow. It has been quite some time since I last saw the EL gang. Not very sure if Branz and the rest would be attending, but nevertheless, it's a good time to catch up with the guys. Think I'll buy some chocolates for them... Not very nice to attend the gathering empty handed.

Also, today while travelling to AJ, I saw this Cat High boy in the MRT... Dunno why, but I'm looking at Cat High boys in a whole new different light now. Somehow, the uniform, for the first time, looks good. Then I started looking back... How I wish I still had the chance to wear that uniform again... 10 years... And I never realised how good the uniform looked... Yea... Nostalgia... When I left the station, I saw another group of Cat High boys. This time, the typical nerdy kind. It was then when I found out how come I never thought that the Cat High uniform looked good. Seriously, nerds look awful in the uniform, especially when they pull their shorts super high.

Hai... Typical Catholic High Boy...

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-06-04T17:56:00.000+08:00

I've been thinking, if one day, I died, will I still be remembered? Who will be at my funeral? Will they moan over me? How much will I affect them? Am I still as important to them as before? To them, am I worth remembering?

I don't know why I suddenly thought of this scenario. It is not that I'm depressed or anything. It's just that you start to think funny when you're feeling very low. Ya, you can guess my mood now... Not very happy, not at all... Don't wish to say why... Actually, I also don't know why I'm feeling so insecure lah. Not the first time already. It's a phase I guess...

Ok, if I died all of a sudden, be it in a car accident, got murdered or even sucide, will people cry when they hear that I'm gone? At my funeral, I can see my family crying... I see friends... Like Kelvin and Aaron... and some other people... After attending my funeral, those people return home, catch some sleep... The next day, will I be forgotten? Will they pretend that I never existed?

I'm beginning to question myself, who are my true friends? Should I believe what they say? Should I feel hurt when they have betrayed me? Will I be able to forgive? Will I forget? Will a good friend of yours tell you, that even when you're gone, he or she will not miss you?

I feel hurt... The pain... I feel as if I'm substitutible.... The insecurity... Uselessness... Redundance...

I feel... unwanted.

This is not depression. I am not depressed. I am not crazy. I am not sadistic. I have never indulged in thought of death, neither have I thought of killing myself. I'm not that irresponsible. Like I said, it's just a random thought which flashed across my mind. Yes, I'm sad and feeling low. What I'm doing here, is questioning myself and asking myself if there is anyone out there whom I've made an impact in his or her life.

Am I important?

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-06-01T00:16:00.000+08:00

Don't feel too good now. I still can't get my Blind Man's character into me. It sucks lah, especially when I've already tried very hard to get it in. Grrr... Feeling frustrated... I've got 2 more weeks I guess... Also, now I've got another big problem in the play. How the hell do you look 'sexy'? Not as in movement-sexy but rather gaze-sexy. Ya, how to get it? I'm struggling know. Sad arh... I flipped through quite a few fashion magazines to see how the look should be like... Nope, still can't get it right. I look very qian bian if I don't smile. But when I smile, I look like a retard which is sala because I'm suppose to have the 'attitude' thing. Hai... Help... I need to look blind and sexy fast.

Got drama again... later... Ya, cause now it's 12.22am already. So it's considered Tuesday. Ya, then later at 12.30pm got Maths lecture again... After which I've to go for make up PE. Hai... Not looking forward to it... Then got drama after that. Will only be home at 11+pm...

It's late, I'm tired... Prolly going to look through the magazines again later before getting into bed. Hope that the imagine will remain in my head, then can copy abit... Ya...

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-05-30T23:28:00.000+08:00

My holidays are damn packed with rehearsals and remedials. I don't think I'm going to get any rest... The mid year exams will be on at the start of the next term... So fast... Looking back, I'm quite surprised how fast time flies... No wonder people said that life is short. Maybe it's because we keep going through the same routine everyday. Wake up, attend school, return from school, then sleep. Hai... Nevermind, I must start learning how to enjoy life during this period of time...

I just realised that my sister, who is seven years old, is playing habbo hotel. I mean, what the fuck lor. I don't think she's ready for this chatroom thing yet. I don't want her to get hooked on to such stuff... It's too soon lah. Kind of scary right? I spoke to her about it just now. I asked if she was going to stop visiting that website, but she didn't give me a straight answer... Well... What to do? Think I'm going to ask Kovan to keep an eye on her... I'm pretty sure that it was my other cousin, 9 years old, who introduced this to her. Actually, I'm not very happy that my cousin influences my sister in this negative way. See, my sister learned to teh from this cousin. She thinks that she's princess and has become an attention seeker. Very irritating know... Bah... Can't blame lah, my cousin is the only child, it's natural that she's spoilt.

Anyway, got drama rehearsals tomorrow. Looking forward to it. But before that got 4 hours of Maths Lecture.... Ya... Think I'll have to stock up on sweets and gum... I'll promise to stay awake during lecture tomorrow.

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-05-28T08:51:00.000+08:00

Today's Friday, which means that I've got three free periods in the morning. It's kinda sucky cause school ends at 4.45pm... But it can't be helped. The others are having F Maths while I'm in the library doing up my blog. =)

Mom amd Dad went to Aunt's place yesterday. I asked Mom if everything was alright and asked what she was doing over at Aunt's place. She told me that they were going over to do some discussion. I think it's more than just 'discussion'. Heard her quarrelling with someone over the phone a few days ago. Not a very pretty sight. Naturally, I got worried, but didn't say anything. An angry woman should always be left alone for awhile. Ya, maybe I'll ask her again tonight to see if everything's ok. I suspect it has something got to do with our holiday plans...

Yesterday was also super hectic. Drama's performance on the 17th, 18th and 19th may be cancelled. Some of the memebers dropped out of production because they couldn't commit to the rehearsal schedule. So far, the number of female ensemble people has decreased from about 9 to about 3, pretty pathetic huh? Amanda told me that she won't be able to make it for the production cause she's going to be away from the 31st to the 15th. Miss Wong panicked when she heard that she was going to lose a speaking actor. Ya... Till now, I'm not too sure what's happening. I suggested to her that we should try to shift the tech run dates... But nothing is confirmed. If it gets really bad, we will most probably have to cancel production. It's quite a shame actually. Alot of us worked really hard and have looked forward to this event since April. I don't know if I should message her and ask how's the situation now... Well... We'll see how things go.

For the record, I've got to do CWO today. First time doing it, but ya, at least I've got Marcus to accompany me. I think that the OM, Mr Sim, is super biased against me. Ever since the first time I was late, he has black-marked me for life. I mean, he's an unreasonable person. The other day, Janice quarrelled with him cause he insisted that she owed him an extra CWO, but the truth is, she has already completed her service. In short, he's a sadistic, unreasonable old man who can't wait to see AJC students serving him. Yepp, I think he's my main motivation for waking up early everyday. See, if I'm not late, I won't have to see him anymore, my day will then start off well.

This week hasn't been superb but it's been good so far. At least I don't have any up-coming tests to study for. Grades haven't been good. I failed Maths and most prolly GP. Need to buck up.

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-05-26T21:16:00.000+08:00

I've been feeling quite tired lately. Yep, as usual, lots of ups and downs through out the week. Kinda tiring me out. But I think I'll be fine... Ya, think so.

Anyway, had drama today. It's official, I'm the next president of drama! Actually I knew about it like a week ago, but ya, I was suppose to keep it to myself. Well, word spreads, and within a few days almost everyone knew about it. That aside, at first I was very happy to hear the news. But after awhile, I got worried. I was afraid that I couldn't do the job well, and that I would make a crappy leader. I'm still afraid actually, the feeling is still there. Not very comforting ya? But I'll manage I think. Talked to Ying Rui for abit also just now at KFC. Asked her questions regarding what it is like being the pres and the responsibilities that comes along with it. According to her, I will be seeing Mickey Tan pretty often in time to come, and by then I'll let you know if his ears are really as big as they seem to be. Yep... Also, I need to stop coming to school late. It happened again this morning. The bloody MRT train doors shut right in front of me. Grrr... Ya, late as usual. Will be doing CWO on Friday. Kinda sucky lah. But ya, must kick this bad habit of mine.

Miss Wong said something that enlightened me today. She was talking about irresponsible people. She said that one should never tell a good friend personal things which is bothering that particular person and when the friend asks 'what's wrong', he or she rejects the friend. Erm... ok, in other words, let's play out this scenario:

Friend A: I feel sad, you know what happened today? That girl rejected me when I told her I liked her and she did it in front of so many people, I feel so sad and I...
Friend B: Aiyoh! So sad, are you ok?
Friend A: Ya, I'm fine
Friend B: Are you sure? You don't look good. You know what, let me help you.
Friend A: No! Don't need your help. I just want to tell you what that is bothering me...

Basically, it's like that. You go to a friend, dump all your shit on him and then refuse to accept his help when he offers. In the end, you leave the friend there feeling like shit and he gets all worried and stuff about you. Ya, so in some ways, you are spreading the negative energy. Then because the friend feels uneasy, he tells another friend about it, then very soon, everyone knows. When you find out, you get really mad at your original friend for spreading the shit around.

Point learnt today: Never spread your shit around if you don't feel like accepting people's help cause you only make the person more miserable.

Makes sense? Ya, I felt that it was pretty cheam. But anyway, I was feeling quite bad after hearing Miss Wong say that cause to a certain extent, that thing she was talking about applied to me. Ya... Felt really bad at that time. Oh well, we grow and learn new things everyday right? So ya, I took it as a form of enlightenment. =)

June Holidays are coming. That's a good thing, I need to catch up on my sleep and my tutorials. But then again, I'll be busy rehearsing for the June 17th, 18th and 19th performance at Utterly Art. Ya, take note, 1 more day added. Looking forward to it. I think everyone in drama is set out to prove a point, that AJ Drama does not deserve a Bronze for SYF. We'll show them that we're Gold material! Hehe... Ya, come support me if you guys have time. I bet that you'll enjoy it. Don't forget to jia my you

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-05-22T18:00:00.001+08:00

Wow... What a tough week it has been. Let's start off with the getting over of the bronze award thing. I'm not very happy. Disappointed and angry actually. Felt that we at least deserved a silver. Hai... Can't believe the judges ranked AJ on the same level as NYJ... Anyway, important thing is that it is over and we should look forward to the public performance on the 17th and 18th of june at Utterly Art. Should be interesting... Ya... Work harder then i guess...

Had a couple of tests these few weeks. Glad that it's over. I really need sleep know. Damn tired. It takes me forever to get out of bed every morning. Ya... Think I'm going to fail my Maths and Physics. Took the GP paper today. The question I chose was 'What role does education play in developing countries'. At first, I thought I had the question good cause I've ever done such questions before. But then, looking back now, I may have written out of point. Oh well... No point getting upset now, right?

Lately, people have been very critical of me. Ever since that day, my life sucked big time. Nasty things about me have been said and stuff, and I'm being judged by rumours. Ya... Kinda sad... But talked to a few people about it. Feel much better now. Life's never going to be the same again I guess. Later today I'm going to type out a proposal and submit it on Monday... Need to think long and hard about it...

Life's ok. Not that bad. But I need to get more sleep. I look like a panda now. Anyway, I may be going for the Big Walk 2004 tomorrow with Kel and the gang. Should be fun.

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-05-16T01:26:00.000+08:00

Had our SYF on Thursday. Man... I think we did bad. Yea, especially me. I felt that I've let the whole group down and stuff. Wasn't a good performance. Miss Wong and Helmi were clearly disappointed. I felt really bad. Still am feeling bad actually. Sigh... Don't know the results yet. It'll only be out in about 2 weeks time. So ya, the gold is definitely gone. I'm guessing that AJ got a bronze... Sigh... Don't really wish to say much... I know that it's over and stuff and that worrying doesn't get me anywhere. But I just can't help it. I'm filled with remorse and disappointment... Not very happy.

Ya... Anyway, AJ Drama is having a performance on the 17th of June at Utterly Art. I swear I'll improve and that I'll do a great performance on that day.

Doing GP essay now. I've got a feeling that Daljit doesn't like me. She always picks on me... Life is miserable

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-05-08T15:27:00.000+08:00

AJ Drama had it's preview yesterday. It was cool. Felt kind of like Cat High's DramaFest. But ya, it was very exciting. I was kind of worried yesterday cause I thought I'd screw up the whole thing. I'm not saying that I did well last night but just that I didn't do as badly as before. So ya, still got some work to do, need to be more in character.

It was quite a success last night. People turned up and the auditorium was fairly filled. Met brandon and BoonKiat there. Ya, Florence was also there last night. Shock of the night: Miss Daljit was there also. Haha... She waved at me when we were rehearsing earlier on, but I pretended that I didn't see her. Scary man, my GP teacher came for the preview... Anyway, Florence said that the play was quite good, very entertaining. Brandon said that AJ's Drama piece is much better than VJ's Drama piece. So ya, am happy with the feedbacks.

Yep, don't stop now, keep giving me feedbacks, so I can improve ya.

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-05-05T23:51:00.000+08:00

I feel sad. Disappointed, depressed and unwanted. But mainly sad.

Disappointment came from Drama. Dunno why, but today I just can't seem to stop screwing up the whole play. I do everything wrongly. You know, Miss Wong and Helmi also said something about me being not up to standard and such. It's bad for the morale. I feel as if I'm not good enough or something. It's not a matter of me trying hard enough or not, cause I know damn well myself that I've already given and done what I could. The problem is, it's still not up to standard. The fear is coming back. The fear of me being the one to ruin the whole play. Because of what I'm doing, I may jolly well screw up the entire production. We've worked so damn hard to get the play going, 3 months of training and rehearsals. I don't want to be the fucking asshole to bring the hard work to naught. But as things are turning out, I may well be the one who gets that role.

Also, the friend of mine whom I talked about in the last entry. Ya, something happened between us. She's pissed off at what I said. The problem is I didn't know what I said wrong. Usually, under normal circumstances, I would question her and ask where the problem lies. But now, I hardly give a damn. This is bad. Maybe it's cause I'm feeling damn lousy today, maybe not. But the fact that I didn't seem to care whether we sorted out our differences or not didn't seem to bother me at all. Ya, and I'm starting to find it irritating each time she gets angry and stuff. Because I hate being at the receiving end and I hate to be the cause of it all.

Unwanted. Dunno why I feel this way... But just feeling unwanted... Nobody cares anymore. They don't care what I do or stuff. I've been like outcasted and stuff. Sometimes I wonder why this shit always happens to me. It's starting to get to me abit. Maybe I'm just sensitive. It occured to me how often I tell people they are too sensitive over a particular subject and shouldn't be too affected. Ironically, I'm the one who's sensitive now, but this is my blog. I say what I want to say, no one can stop me.

Ya, generally feeling super shitty and lousy. Life doesn't look good, it sucks. I've got a feeling that I'm going to be super moody over the next few days, so ya, will most prolly piss more people off. But heck, who the hell cares anyway...

Mother's Day's coming soon. Need to find her a present. She's in Perth now, coming back on Friday. She left on Tuesday, but I'm starting to miss her already.

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-04-23T23:55:00.000+08:00

I'm suppose to write my GP essay now, but ya, just can't seem to pen down my thoughts. I'm very distracted, can't think properly. See, I've spent the past 2 hours trying to write the essay and up till now, I've only managed the 'Introduction' portion... Hopeless lah me... So I'm blogging now. At least I can write whatever I feel like writing and how I choose to write it. At least no one who will ask me to 'redo' this entry.

Went out with the Drama people on Thursday after school to kill time. We went jalan jalan along Orchard road. It was only that day when I realised how scary girls are when it comes to shopping. Jessie and Cindy were thoroughly enjoying themselves, touching and feeling almost every single object in the shops. Audrey and I were amused. Anyway, Drama was quite... weird. My scene was finally blocked. And as you know, I play a blind man who falls in love with Serena's character. So ya, I ended up hugging Serena. Haha... Quite shy at first lah, cause I was suppose to come from behind and wrap my arms around her waist. And knowing that I'm from an all-boys school, this kind of thing is quite uncommon. Miss Wong was like saying 'Can we start getting closer and stop being a little less shy.' But ya, it felt quite weird. Joanne and Georgia said that it was very romantic yet sad. Especially the part when Serena said that I died at the age of 68. Audrey found it disgusting though. It is tiring trying to act as a blind man, your movements are so restricted... Ah well... Miss Wong said I did a good job. =)

Then today, I met Jessie and Cindy in the canteen during lunch break. They said Miss Wong has told the whole class about yesterday's rehearsal. Miss Wong talked about all the funny stuff which occurred. Like how Serena walked as if she was hunting down a Burito and how 'despo' she looked. Apparently, I am named 'boyboy' by them. Don't know why also. Come to think of it, it's quite embarassing. Can't blame Miss Wong, she's very enthusiastic and excited about the production. So ya, looking forward to next week's rehearsals.

Ok, back to the GP essay... Dunno how long I'll take... Tonight no need to sleep liao...

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-04-21T21:00:00.000+08:00

I don't feel good. Don't know why. I feel unwanted. I feel extra... Maybe it's the stress... Or maybe it's just one of those days when you just feel really sucky for no particular reason.

Anyway, Mommy's Day's round the corner. But I still have no idea what to get for my mom this year. Any suggestions? It must be original and yep, something fresh.

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-04-17T20:28:00.000+08:00

I'm very tired. I know it's the weekends, but I still feel very lifeless, very dead. Maybe it's because I only managed to sleep at 4am last night. I was up doing the stupid Physics tutorial on Thermo-dynamics. The best part is that I didn't get to finish it because out of the 11 questions, 6 of them I dunno how to do. Now I'm starting to question myself if i made the right move when I switched from Arts to Science... I'll most probably be up tonight also. Need to finish the newspaper cutting thing, if not, Miss Daljit will scream at me and send me out of the class. I still owe her 1 week's worth of newspaper cuttings. Didn't get a chance to do it during the past week because I was too busy with Drama. In short, I'm going to cut up alot of newspapers tonight.

Went to Thomson Plaza this afternoon. I felt a sense of nostalgia after seeing 2 kids quarrel. It's not that I'm a sadist, but rather, it reminded me of Kovan and myself when we were young. This young boy pushed his elder sister when she was trying to gain their father's attention. I was quite shocked at first, because the girl almost fell over. The little boy ended up crying cos he didn't get to eat the doughnuts that he wanted. Quite cute lah the scene. If I was the dad or the mom, I would most definitely scold the young boy for pushing his elder sister... Now i understand why my mom always scolds me when I make Kovan cry. Haha... Ahhh... Reminds me of myself when I was young... So innocent and sweet... So pure... So noisy and irritating...

Also, lately, I've been accused of dao-ing people. Charmaine, Gurgoth, Shama, Alicia, Samuel all say that I always dao them. Not true lor, it's just that I'm too lazy to wave at them whenever they wave to me. I got say 'Hello' ok. So ya, not counted as being dao, I'm just lazy. ;)

Got to know Shama really well over the past few days. We had a real nice talk in the reading room on Wednesday. It was fun. She confided in me on Thursday, saying that she was really sad because she was being discriminated due to her skin colour. It's really sad that such things still happen. People shouldn't be judged and labelled because of their skin colour, but rather their inner personality. It's character that matters, not the appearance. So ya, to all the racists out there - 'Get a life!'

= ) It's been nice blogging but now... need to do work... Stressful stressful life...

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-04-13T17:55:00.000+08:00

Hmm... I feel happier today. Maybe it's because we came in 2nd place for today's heats. Jonathan, Marcus, Braddy and I took part in the 4 x 100m relay. Pretty cool, at least I didn't drop the baton during the change over. Heck, I wasn't even sure where my starting position was. Anyway, I was the second runner. By the time Jonathan passed the baton to me, we were in second place. But during my run, I led the pack (Cool right?). Ya, but in the end, we still ended up 2nd. But I'm happy. Could have done much better... if it wasn't for yesterday's afternoon PE... Today morning I woke up with a cramp and after that I felt sore all over. You know, when your legs feel like buckling when you walk down the stairs. Ya, that type of feeling... Horrible man... But I'm better now. =)

Oh ya, I was actually quite disturbed by what I saw just now. Kenneth Koh sprayed water on Hui Lin. Reason: She said something bad about Cat High. I mean, what's his problem lor. I say horrible stuff about Cat High all the time. It was really quite unnecessary. I mean, he just turned around and used his water bottle to spray Hui Lin. So poor thing know... Head shot somemore, then she had to go to the toilet to clean herself up. Earlier, he also shouted at Ivy for snatching the fan away from him just because he was feeling very hot. Was very surprised that he shouted... I mean, he didn't have to use that tone lor... Actually, it makes me quite sad that I'm a Cat High student... In AJ, about 80% of the Cat High people there are jerks. Meaning that they're childish, petty, always making a nuisance of themselves, self-centered, etc... So much for being a gentleman with high integrity... Really quite disappointed...

Oh well... Nothing I can do about it right? But I feel disturbed and annoyed by what Kenneth did. It was plain rude and didn't show the least bit of respect he had for others. Anyway, I'm pretty sure that he's not the only one around here with that attitude... Sigh... Cat high students... Catholic High... Sucks...

(Don't get the wrong idea ok, I'm still feeling happy & today is a damn bloody hot day)

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-04-08T21:11:00.000+08:00

The worst feeling in the world... Is to be backstabbed by someone you trusted the most... He pretended in front of me yet lied behind my back. I feel betrayed.

I feel betrayed.... When all was good, I became your best friend. But now, I'm not even worth your trust. You swore to keep it to yourself... You made my life hell... I feel hurt

I feel hurt... What's more important to you? Friends or studies? Where's your diginity? Don't you feel the least bit guilty? I feel cheated

I feel cheated... Seriously, when you made friends when me, was it a tactical move? This is not your first time already... I've warned you before... "I'm not going to trust you if you do it again, stop it in future arh?"... Yes? No? You lied... I feel used

I feel used So this is it. All over. I don't want to be associated with you. I've spoken to a few friends about it. Friends who knew how to keep their trap shut... You are not a friend. You have no dignity, integrity or respect... To you, I'm but a pawn, nothing else... I hate you

So thank you for being my friend

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-04-02T23:38:00.000+08:00

Time is about 11.40pm now. I just got home from Drama actually. Feeling really tired. Today we did the 'Ad Blitz' part. Pretty cool. The ensemble started doing the 'America's next top model walkway' thing. We were suppose to be Calvin Klein models... You know, the super extra attitude kind. Ya, quite fun lah. Not simple to walk while trying your best to look nice and giving the 'attitude' look at the same time. Well, Helmi said that today's cast was very dead. As in the atmosphere was damn low. It seems like I was the only one having fun and enjoying myself there. Everyone looked tired and haggard, especially Daniel. He was like so sian. I told him to relax and have fun, but ya, he was still very ya... you know... stiff. He wasn't enjoying himself. But the cool thing about him is that when it was time for a run of the movement parts, he was very on. He takes things seriously lah. Hehe... Only found out that about him today... But the sad thing is that he's thinking of dropping out from the cast. Seriously, I don't think he should drop out because he's doing very well in the rehearsals so far. He also doesn't mind trying new and bold stuff. He always gives it his all when he's asked to do something. It's nice to work with someone like that. =) So yea, I hope he stays. It's gonna be quite a shame if he chooses to do crew work...

Ya, anyways, I'm the GP rep again. It sucks alot because my GP tutor is Miss Daljit. The funny woman who speaks with a very funny voice. Well... actually, she's damn strict. Heard that she blames the GP rep for everything that goes wrong in the class. Not a good sign... Not good at all...

Me tired. Me still blog. Me doing dummy things that me shouldn't be doing. Me finish blogging. Me submitting entry. Me going to bed now.

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-03-31T22:23:00.000+08:00

No worries. Everything is cool now. Although we didn't get to find the culprit, Miss Wong felt that it is stupid to let a good man go down. She trusts Roy alot. She doesn't believe it's him who did it. So yea, everything is cool now in Drama. =)

Had rehearsals today. Damn tired. Our cast just got bigger with 4 new members. Time's running out though. SYF's approaching. Ya, other than that, I'm very very tired... Have been like that for the past few days... Sometimes it feels as if this 'tiredness' is accumulating, especially when I only get about 5 hours of sleep each day. And each day, I'm feeling more and more lethargic. It's not the homework, not the lectures... Maybe it's Drama... But ya, feeling really heavy now...

(Finished this entry within 5 mintues)

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-03-30T18:07:00.000+08:00

Something really unpleasant happened yesterday during Drama. It had brought a sudden hault to our production, rehearsals, focus and trust. To make matters worse, yesterday was the first rehearsal for some of the new 2nd intakers who have decided to join Drama...

It all started when Amanda, one of the newcomers, lost her handphone in the Drama room. Well, actually, she dropped it in the room at the beginning of rehearsal, so thinking that it would be of no urgent need to recover it immediately, she continued with the programme. But then, during the first break, she became frantic after searching for awhile. Her phone was lost. It was gone. So ya, all of us in the room then helped her look for her phone. However, we found nothing. By then, Helmi was getting worried. So he asked all of us to empty our bags, check to see if it had accidentally dropped in or something. Everyone poured out the contents of their bags... but still nothing. By then, I was thinking... All of us were in the room the whole time... If all of us didn't do it... then who did?... Maybe it's those things that did it... You know... Like keep the phone or something... By the way, the block in which the Drama room is located is said to be haunted. I've heard loads of stories bout the block. Creepy and eerie things happen there. But I thought that I would sound stupid if I told them about there being such a possibility, so I kept quiet.

As time was running out and the sky was getting dark, Helmi asked Amanda if it was okay for all of us to continue with rehearsals first then come back later to search again. She agreed, we went to AJ square and the rehearsals resumed. Halfway through the rehearsals, Miss Wong came down to the AJ square and grabbed the torchlight from Helmi...

At about 9.15pm, rehearsals ended and we proceeded back to the Drama room. To our surprise, it was locked, the keys were with Miss Wong. Then, Miss Wong arrived. She looked very disturbed and out of sort. After awhile she told us what happened.

'When you people were downstairs having rehearsals, I was here rummaging through your bags, searching them one by one. At first, it was a casual search. I found nothing. Then, I searched again, this time much more thorough. I never expected to find the phone, much less find it in one of the closest people to me. Yet, I found it in one of your bags... Amanda's phone was in Roy's bag.'

Everyone gasped. Including me. What? How? Why was it inside? Then Roy stood up and apologised to Amanda. He said, 'I'm really sorry that you're phone was found it my bag. But the truth is, I never did steal it. I had no clue that it was in my bag at all. I mean, I already have a PDA, what sense would it make for me to steal your phone? The thing here is I'm innocent. I swear, I'd get struck by lightning or whatever shit, I didn't take your phone. I'm sorry about this.'

Seriously, I was astounded by what Miss Wong said. Roy's a happy-go-lucky kinda guy. He's fun-loving and spontaneous. It didn't make sense at all that he would steal the phone. Miss Wong then added that the phone was found in a small compartment in his bag, turned face in and zipped up. It was very clear that whoever did it didn't want the phone to be found. Then, Helmi and Miss Wong stepped out of the room to discuss about the matter. Although Amanda wanted to forget about it, Miss Wong was very unwilling to let it go. Audrey, Roy and Amanda then went out also. Both Audrey and Roy were the Stage Managers(SM) for this year's SYF.

Ying Rui then came up and spoke to everyone. She wanted the person to confessed immediately. She warned that the longer this matter dragged, the more dire the consequences. No one said anything. After Audrey came in, she said that Ying Rui and her would call each and every person to the back room, so that they can speak to each of us individually. It was a chance for the person to own up. Audrey and Ying Rui promised that they would ensure that the offender will receive a much lighter punishment should he or she admit then. Everyone went in, including me... The guys then formed a circle, held hands and prayed. Each of us prayed that the offender would have the courage to admit and would turn himself in. It was very emotional... Joanne then started to cry. Miss Wong and Helmi then returned with Roy and Amanda. They all look very haggard... Still no one owned up when it was 10 pm. Miss Wong then told all of us that the culprit was given up till Wednesday to own up. He or she could either approach Ying Rui, Audrey or herself. She knew that this was getting no where... And since we were all tired, she dismissed us...

The night felt different... I don't know why, but I felt really really sad and disgusted. I mean, whoever the culprit was, that person must be sick in the mind. I cannot imagine anyone who is capable of being so nice and friendly in front of us, yet do something so despicable behind our backs. The trust and respect that all of us have for each other has been broken... Roy's bag was away from where all of us left our bags, his was located near the door, maybe that was why he was the target... If no one owns up, Miss Wong would withdraw Roy from the SYF and she would kick him out of Drama. He doesn't deserve this... Especially if he didn't do it at all... I trust Roy... Although I've only known him for about 2 months, I trust him and his integrity. He would never lower his morals and succumb to such temptations. He's not like that. We all feel really sad because we know, if we didn't find the real culprit... Roy would have been blamed for something he did not do... Time is running out... This cannot happen... Audrey will not let her assistant SM to be taken away... The Drama Club will not let Roy go...

Roy, I believe in you, completely.

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-03-26T14:18:00.000+08:00

Time (started) : 2.20PM
Date : 26th March 2004
Venue : AJC, Free Access Room

~~~~~

Something very unplesant happened a few days ago during the selection of subject combinations. You see, us students were suppose to fill in a particular form regarding the subject combinations that we plan to take for the GCE' A'Levels. Well, I filled in double science, econs and maths for my first choice and double science and maths for my second. As the cut off point for taking 4 subs is at 10, I needed to appeal. With a score of 11, I thought that it would be easy to be approved by the HOD of Science as I was not too far off the cut off point. But somehow, the HOD of Science had to be a bitch. She rejected my appeal almost immediately after seeing that I was previously from the Arts stream. Her reason for rejecting : 'I seriously do not think that you can cope with the 4 subjects. Because you are from the arts stream, thus new subjects like Physics and Chem would be tough for you as you did not take these subs during your first 3 months stay here. I definitely will not approve of you taking 4 subs.'

As you can see, I'm not exactly very happy that I was slammed for being an Arts student. I mean, I'm proud to be one. I have no idea why she would discriminate people who are/were from the Arts stream. It doesn't make them any inferior to those taking Science subjects. Bah... Another example of the way our fucked up world works...

Anyway, it's Friday today. Had ELDDS rehearsals over the past few days. Actually, it feels really good that we're starting with the production already. It's exciting yet tiring. You know... that same old feeling. But it's a good thing. =)

Miss Wong changed the script again. It's now Skin Deep Vers. 4.0. I kinda preferred the previous one... but anyway, it's just as good. For the session on Wednesday, Helmi taught us how to walk. He then taught us how to walk in rhythm to Sh-Boom. It's one of those songs which you usually hear during commercials. It's got that very 70s kind of flavour to it. We then had to co-ordinate our legs and shoulders to the beats of the piece. Seriously, it wasn't simple. In fact, it took us like 3 hours just to perfect the walking thing alone. So yea, it's not as simple as it looks. I've got another rehearsal later today at 5.00pm, I think it'll last up till 9pm...

Currently I'm taking 3 As, Maths, Physics and Econs. Thought that I should blog while waiting for my lesson to begin...

Time (finished) : 3.06pm

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-03-22T19:20:00.000+08:00

School started today. I'm just so surprised that so many of my fellow 30/04-ians didn't make it to AJ. Another surprise: The orientation group that I'm in is so boring. Flamma is so damn Boring! I mean, it's completely different from Inveranr. Back then, there was this spirit and the group of us were willing to share and make friends. But this time round, the people in my OG are so snobbish. For example, I said hello to this Zhonghua guy. This guy then stared back at me and turned away. So dao. I can't stand him. Well... At least I made 2 new friends today... Haha... ShinLing and Angella. Not that we're on close terms but at least they said hello to me...(I so poor thing right?)

Anyway, I bought a new bag today. It's grey and blue. Just thought that it would look good with the AJ uniform. =)

Oh well... I'm really tired now... Danced for 3 hours during orientation. Need to thank Jie Min for keeping me company. It would have been much much worse if not for her. =)

Good thing: I learnt how to dance Slamdunk Da Funk
Bad thing: I need to face Flamma tomorrow...

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

|

2004-03-20T21:19:00.000+08:00

Wassup people! Been a long time since I last updated the blog. Hmmm... quite a few things happened lately. Firstly, I caught the movie : The Eye 2 together with the guys. The movie is not so much of a terrifying kind but rather more of a thrilling kind. The images you see are rather eerie though... Especially the part whereby every pregnant woman is always accompanied by a wandering spirit, waiting to reincarnate. The way the reincarnation process begin: The wandering spirit enters the pregnant woman during child birth via the birth canal. I don't know about you, but I found this rather funny. It was like, Matrix - Ghost Style. Haha... Anyway, I find the film pretty ok. The plot is rather cool. But if you're expecting to get spooked, you'll be slighly disappointed. Portions of the film was done in Singapore. Felt that it was quite anti-climax when Yao WenLong suddenly appeared in the movie... Overall, it was quite an ok film. I'd give 2 half out of 5 stars.

I went to Sentosa just yesterday with the gang(again). We all expected to play volleyball initially but we ended up swimming and tanning. You see, we were suppose to go to Siloso Beach if we were going to play volleyball, but then somehow, we ended up in Palawan Beach. And since we had no ball and they had no nets, the volleyball thing was off. After that, we went makan at Sakae Sushi. At first, we went to the one at harbour front, but the buffet deal there only starts at 5pm. So, we decided to head all the way down to the branch at Heeren. It was quite a good meal. I had about 16 plates of sushi. =)

Then, later in the night, I met up with the AJ ELDDS gang to watch Helmi's performance. Not exactly sure of the exact location of the play, but it was a very small venue. So small that out of the 17 of us, only 15 were allowed in as they ran out of tickets. Anyway, the special thing about this play was that it's in Malay. Yep, all malay. Thankfully, english subtitles were projected in the background. The play came in 2 parts. The first one was pretty easy to comprehend. It's about an adopted child, growing up, wanting to build a 'lift' so that he can use it to reach God. The second one was damn cheam. I had no clue what it was about. It had stories on ants, life in jail, the cemetery, war and the 'Peace be upon you'. I don't see a connection. Well... Helmi acted in this one... What can you expect from him... Anyway, my Malay friend said that that particular play had something to do with the Muslim culture and the on-going war. Despite his efforts to explain to me the true meaning of the play, I still am clueless.

Received the JAE results today. I was posted to Anderson JC. Science stream this time round. It's quite sickening to go through the whole orientation programme all over again... Meet new friends, expand your social life, be friendly... It's not that I'm mean or anything(?), but it's just tiring to go through that process all over again... Anyway, Aaron is trying to appeal in. He was posted to Nanyang, and he wasn't too pleased. AJ's streams are completely full, so in order for him to get in, one of the original people posted to AJC must first withdraw. Chances are very slim... but he'll make it through... I hope... By the way, for AJC Orientation 2004, I'm in Fuego, Flamma. Was previously in Montana, Invernar.

Well, it's back to schooling I guess... Sianz...

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

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2004-03-17T19:08:00.000+08:00

Believe it or not, I actually went for a 2.4KM run today. Haha... No idea what is wrong with me today... Just felt like running I guess... Anyway, what matters is I've finished the run, had a nice bath and is now blogging with a cup of iced tea beside me... Hehe... Eat your hearts out people...

~~~~~

Recently, I've been wondering and kind of regretting that I put AJ(Science) as my top choice. I mean, I'm pretty worried that I may not do well in the Science stream. Call me paranoid, but... I don't know... I'm just not a science kinda person... Hmmm... other than that, I miss ELDDS... Catholic High ELDDS - minus the MeNeo. Ahhh... I miss... the fun... the slogging... the process... and ya, the authority to boss people around... Muahahahahahaha

AJ's ELDDS is cool. Director is Helmi Yusof from The Necessary Stage(TNS). He's a pretty ok person to work with, very foccussed and specific. His style is very much alike to Director Kok Heng Luan's (Erm... I think that is how it's spelled). Alot of movements and actions. But I still prefer Wendy. W00t! Wendy Rulez! She's de best! Anyway... I'm going to watch Helmi's performance this Friday at the Esplanade. Training for the SYF will begin very very soon. Thrice a week, starting from next term onwards. So yea... it's gonna be tough but I'm looking forward to it. Watch me do Cat High ELDDS proud =P

My mom bought a new handphone today - Samsung E700A. You know... The one which has the pretty blonde lady taking self-potraits of herself. In other words, the one which is damn slick and cool. She upgraded her original one for about 800 bucks. Hmmm... one of these days... I'll psycho her into trading handphones with me... *Sniggers*

Life looks good. Lotsa nice things are happening to me lately. Hope it stays that way.

.:.Miracles only happen when you believe...

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2004-03-14T18:22:00.000+08:00

I feel horrible and awful... My parents quarrelled over financial problems again. It all started when my dad asked for more cash from my mom. There wasn't an immediate reaction to that statement, but rather, my mom only reacted after a few seconds. She was like,'What?! Again?!'.

Things haven't exactly been the best for my dad after his 'contractor' job went burst. He was often switching jobs, trying his hands at every other thing. However, none seemed to work out. Believe me, he has tried every other thing, ranging from starting a seafood entreprise to opening a pub. Currently, he's jobless.

Actually I don't exactly know how long he has been jobless. A month? Three months? Hell, or maybe even a year. I mean, it was only recently when i found out from my Mom that he had already sold his pub. To make matters worse, my mom's the sole breadwinner in this family. It hurts me alot to see her frustrated over money problems. Not only does she have to support her 3 kids, but also my granny and now, my dad. It's crazy. I'm not mad at my Dad for what he did. I'm just disappointed. I mean, he gambles, he has an ego too big for his own good and he's too ambitious.

Each time they quarrel, I feel really really... sucky. I'm frustrated that there's nothing that I can do to help ease the tension but just stare blankly. My world is just so fucked up at times. I feel useless, redundant...

My life sux...

~~~~~

Artist: Nelly Furtado
Title: Try

All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

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2004-03-13T14:12:00.000+08:00

Ahhh... Finally... I managed to get the archives and links sections working... Heh... Not bad for a beginner...

I'm feeling kinda tired right now. You know, the tiredness which overwhelms you after sleeping too long. Heh... I think i just caught up with sleep =)

Anyway, it's raining very heavily right now. I read from the papers that Singapore will most prolly be experiencing some flooding in particular areas, specifically on the 21st to the 23rd. This led me to the thought : Since Singapore is such a small country, will it ever sink or be completely submerged in future? The recent freak weathers may be a symptom that the Earth is slowly evolving and changing... Well... Who knows?

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...

2004-03-13T01:45:00.000+08:00

W00T! Brand new blog! Heh... Pretty cool eh? I love the skin. Erm.. although there may be some glinches here and there... Give me some time. I'll try to fix the friggin problems... Oh ya, remember to add me to your links ;)

.:. Miracles only happen when you believe...